THE HOSPITABLE DOOR.
[A housewife in a contemporary says:—"If my guests have friends in the neighbourhood they can ask them in without consulting my convenience at all, take them up to the bedroom, light the gasfire and make them quite comfortable there.">[
Dear Tom, when your neighbours invited me first,
I made up mind to refuse,
But that was before I was properly versed
In the up-to-date hostess's views.
If I (like Achilles) remain in my room,
She'll never give vent to complaining.
Though she misses my jests, she will kindly presume
I am nevertheless entertaining.
And so, since I've many a friend on the spot,
I've quitted the comforts of town
In order to keep open house for the lot
In a chamber provided by Brown.
They shall come to my bedroom; I'll give them good cheer;
I'll ring for a handmaid and tell her
To serve us at once with a dinner up here,
Including the pick of the cellar.
And then in due course round the gas glowing red
Brown's choicest cigars shall be lit,
And, if we like resting our feet on the bed,
We may—it won't matter a bit.
Our talk of old times shall be joyous and bright,
Undisturbed we will gossip like billy-o,
And I shan't break away to bid Brown a good night;
'Twould savour of needless punctilio.
Dear Tom, since I love you the best of them all,
Call round here whenever you care,
And, if you should run against Brown in the hall,
Just give him an insolent stare.
And when, from rusticity taking a rest,
You come up to London and meet me,
Remember the evenings when you were my guest,
And take me out, Thomas, and treat me.
Zealous Boy Scout. "You can cross by this bridge, Sir. It will save you a long walk round."
Cautious Stout Party. "Thank you, my boy, but I'm afraid it would hardly bear me."
Zealous Boy Scout. "Oh, that's all right, Sir. We have first aid and ambulance on the other side!"