THE QUALITIES THAT COUNT.
(Suggested by a recent vindication of the "right but ruffling attitude" of the new and true artist.)
If you're anxious to acquire a reputation
For enlightened and emancipated views,
You must hold it as a duty to discard the cult of Beauty
And discourage all endeavours to amuse.
You must back the man who, obloquy enduring,
Subconsciousness determines to express;
Who, in short, is "elemental," "unalluring,"
But "arresting" in his Art—or in his dress.
Again, if you're desirous of attaining
Pre-eminence in places where they play,
Don't supply the smallest spoonful of the pleasing or the tuneful
Or you'll chuck your very finest chance away.
But be truculent, ferocious and ungentle
And the critics will infallibly acclaim
Your work as unalluring, elemental
But arresting and exalted in its aim.
Or is your cup habitually brimming
With water from the Heliconian fount?
Then remember the hubristic, the profane and pugilistic
Are the only kinds of poetry that count.
So select a tragic argument, ensuring
The maximum expenditure of gore,
And the epithets arresting, unalluring,
Elemental, will re-echo as before.
But if your bent propels you into fiction,
You should clearly and completely understand
That your duty in a novel is not to soar, but grovel,
If you want it to be profitably banned.
So be lavish and effusive in suggesting
A malignant and mephitic atmosphere,
And you're sure to be applauded as arresting,
Elemental, unalluring and sincere.
If you meditate a matrimonial venture
That will turn the cheek of Mrs. Grundy pale,
Don't be lured by pretty faces or by dainty airs and graces
That entrap the unsophisticated male.
No, look out for what is vital, transcendental,
And ask yourself, before you choose your wife,
"Is she wholly unalluring, elemental
But arresting in her attitude to life?"
In fine if you believe in self-expression
And disdain to be a law-abiding man,
You must cultivate a hobby of insulting ev'ry bobby
Whenever you conveniently can.
You'll find him quite impervious to jesting,
But he has another less attractive side,
Elemental, unalluring and arresting
When his patience is intolerably tried.