ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, April 10th.—Some sadness mingled with the cheers that greeted the moving of the writ for the Wimbledon Division. The House is pleased that Mr. Henry Chaplin's long services to the State should have received the customary reward of a peerage, but it will miss his genial and majestic presence. Though an unfortunate accident in 1906 (a year prolific in electoral casualties) debarred him from becoming the titular Father of the House, his venerable appearance, his courtly and old-world bearing, and his full-bodied eloquence gave him an uncontested claim to be regarded as its Grandfather. Lord Claud Hamilton, the only other survivor of the Parliament of 1868, will now feel very lonely.
The best things said at a public meeting are often uttered by an anonymous "Voice." Mr. Will Thorne is the "Voice" of the House of Commons. Endowed with a fine pair of lungs and a style of delivery that resembles the cork coming out of a ginger-beer bottle he frequently expresses in his explosive style the collective opinion of his fellow-Members. At Question time Lord Robert Cecil referred to the abominable treatment of British prisoners of war at the Wittenberg camp, and said that steps were being taken to circulate in neutral countries the report of Mr. Justice Younger's Committee. There was a sudden "Pop," and out came Mr. Thorne with "Send it to the conscientious objectors."
On the Second Reading of the Budget Mr. Thomas O'Connor, as the Speaker punctiliously calls him, led off with a vigorous attack upon the match-tax. The discovery, made many years ago, that match-making as then conducted caused a painful disease of the jaw first aroused T.P.'s sympathetic interest. He now displayed an intimate acquaintance with the details of the industry and discoursed learnedly on the shortage of muriate of potash for the heads and of aspen for the splints. His argument briefly amounted to this—that the manufacturers of matches, like those of mustard, depended for their profits upon the amount wasted, and that to check public extravagance would destroy the trade.
The aspens on the Treasury Bench did not quiver visibly under this assault. They were more amenable to the criticisms on the railway-tax, which would fall very hardly upon commercial travellers and other business people. Mr. McKenna promised to give careful consideration to the criticisms before the Committee stage. Possibly it has occurred to him that as the Government have undertaken to bring the net receipts of the railway companies up to the 1914 level the Exchequer might have to pay out of one pocket nearly as much as it puts into the other.
Tuesday, April 11th.—One of the French Deputies visiting Westminster thinks us a queer people. He had heard last night the Prime Minister's stout declaration of the Allies' resolve to bring Prussia's military domination to an end. Again this afternoon he had been told on the same high authority that the late Conference in Paris had reaffirmed the entire solidarity of the Allies and established the complete identity of their views. Then he had walked across the corridor to the House of Lords, expecting, no doubt, to hear the same sentiments expressed in even loftier language. Instead, he had to listen to Lord Courtney, in the traditional yellow waistcoat, declaiming with all the vigour of his premiere jaunesse against the notion that we should enter into any fiscal relations with our Allies that might imperil the sacred principles of Free Trade.
Lord Courtney believes that there is in Germany a large and powerful peace-party, which must not be frightened by any threats of reprisals, and he commends to the Allies in 1916 the example of Bismarck in letting the Austrians off easily in 1866. Our visitor was a little relieved by the explanation that the orator was an interesting survival of a school of thought now passed away, and represented no one but himself. But he was again puzzled when Lord Bryce, who knows as much about the manners of the gentle Hun as anybody (witness his report on the atrocities in Belgium), joined in the appeal that we should be nice to Germany after the War.
He was, however, somewhat comforted when Lord Crewe made it plain that the Government did not share Lord Courtney's illusions about the strength of the German peace-party, and, having regard to the manner in which Germany had in the past combined commercial expansion with political intrigue, could not hold out hopes that after the War we should do business with her in the same old easy-going way. But if our French friend is still not quite convinced that British statesmen fully realize what the War means to him and his country I don't I think we can altogether blame him.
"I am unable to say what steps the married men may take to track the single."—Mr. Tennant, in the House.
In the Commons Mr. Pemberton Billing developed his usual Tuesday "hate." But on this occasion there was no reply from the Government heavy batteries; little Mr. Rea explaining that as the Hon. Member had failed to warn them of his intention to bombard they had no ammunition ready.
Wednesday, April 12th.—Although, like another noble Earl, Lord Selborne is "not an agricultural labourer," he does his best to play the part, and save our food-producers from the maw of the hungry recruiting officer. A representative of the Board of Agriculture now holds a watching brief at every local Tribunal, to see that the Military representative does not have things too much his own way. No wonder that the taxes mount up faster than the recruiting returns.
Time was when Mr. Swift MacNeill successfully dissembled his affection for the House of Lords. To-day his principal object in life is to purge the roll of that illustrious House of the peerages now held by the enemy Dukes of Cumberland and Albany. The Prime Minister was strangely unsympathetic. Legislation would be necessary, and would occupy too much time. "Three minutes," suggested Sir Arthur Markham; but Mr. Asquith was still obdurate, and seemed to think that as the Dukes in question had lost their Garters they were sufficiently down-at-heel already.
When packing his Budget a wise Chancellor of the Exchequer always includes some little tit-bit that he can throw to the wolves if they become too insistent. In the present case the tax on railway tickets was marked for abandonment at the outset, and to-day it met its expected fate.
The Amusements tax was strenuously opposed by Mr. Barnes, on the ground that most of the money would come from the poor; but Mr. McKenna frankly replied that that was just what he intended. He agreed, however, to consider the claim of the Zoo to exemption. The match-makers were partially appeased by a promise that mechanical lighters should not be overlooked. The Chancellor is now in some doubt as to whether he or Æschylus has produced the more notable version of "Prometheus Bound."
Thursday, April 13th.—A provincial paper lately referred to Mr. McKenna as the "Cancellor"—a humorous compositor's way, no doubt, of indicating the modifications in the Budget. Hardly one of the proposed new taxes has survived intact. Even the tax on mineral waters has had to undergo considerable alteration. It was devised to get some contribution towards the nation's needs from those who wear the blue ribbon of a beerless life, and to that end the tax was to be collected by means of a stamp on each individual bottle. But the manufacturers successfully protested that the boys and girls who affix the labels already adorning these gaseous wares could not be trusted to put on stamps as well. Mr. Montagu announced this afternoon that the manufacturers would be taxed direct on their certified output. But he did so with obvious reluctance, and as if what was once a sparkling proposition had become indubitably flat and possibly unprofitable.
Our Stylists.
"Now and again a mirthless laugh rose silently to the red banks of her lips."
Grand Magazine.
Signature to a legal notice:—
"Montgomeryshire Horse Repository, E.C., Solicitors for the said Administratrix."
Manchester Guardian.
If "the law is a hass" you are tempted to say, These equine attorneys will answer, "Neigh, neigh."
Fashions for Female Humourists.
"Blouses of the useful variety have jokes in various designs, the sleeves cut in one with the joke are generally a modification."
Provincial Paper.
Our more subtle contributors prefer the latter kind, enabling them to laugh up their sleeve.
Constable (failing to notice insignia of 'Special'). 'Nah, then, you! Get a move on yer unless yer wants to be run in for loitering!'