NOT RUNNING TO SEED.
To Reginald Cressingham, Esq.
Dear Sir (or Madam),—Looking over our records a few days ago, we noticed that you had not been so good a customer of ours for Seeds during the past twelve months as you used to be; and the more we looked at that record the more we wondered what we had done that caused you to practically stop dealing with us.
Finally we decided to drop you a line and ask you whether you will kindly tell us, personally, frankly, whether there is anything we have not done that we should have done.
Unfortunately accidents will happen at times, and if one has happened in this case we hope you will tell us about it so that we can try to put it right the day we get your letter. It does not make any difference what the trouble is, we will do our best to make it good.
Your faithful and obedient Servants,
Goodenough & Sons.
To Messrs. Goodenough & Sons.
Dear Sirs,—I regret to say there is a reason for discontinuing my seed order, and I am pleased to hear you will do your best to make the trouble good; but I am half afraid you will not be able to "put it right the day you get my letter."
The fact is there is a European War going on just now, and it has sadly upset our gardening plans. Instead of having eight men (counting a husband) about the place, I am now reduced to one gardener, and he will shortly be called up in a married group, unless the flat foot he is assiduously cultivating softens the heart of the Exemption Tribunal.
I am sorry I have no time to tell you more about this War, but I must now go and dig the vegetables.
Yours faithfully,
Helena Cressingham.
"Stabbing Affray due to a Girl's Charm.
In the village of Sharwida, Zagazig district, lives a girl who is a paragraph of beauty."
Egyptian Mail.
This barely does her justice. She seems to have been quite the penny novelette.
"In the Argonne we carried out a coup domain this morning."—Evening Paper.
It is a good General who never puts off till to-morrow what he can do this morning.