FASHION-PLATE PATRIOTS.
Since our ranks, Mr. Punch, you've seen fit to upbraid
(These lines are to show that you're hard on us),
When you hear the defence of the fashion-plate maid
I'm perfectly certain you'll pardon us;
Though our heels and our hose and our frills and our frocks,
Regardless of taste and expense,
Your notion of war-time economy shocks;
We're doing our bit, in a sense.
Now take, for example, Irene and me;
She's thin and I'm rather—voluminous;
Our skirts, full and frilly, just cover the knee,
And our hose-play discourages gloominess;
We've a bent for a boot with a soul-stirring spat,
Gilt-buttoned and stubbily toed,
And a top-gallant plume on a tip-tilted hat
When we're ripe for the Park and the road.
The public each week, Mr. Punch, you impress
With your cool-headed wit and ability,
So I wonder you've not had the gumption to guess
There's method in our imbecility;
Read on, and your premature chiding deplore,
For our merciful mission, in brief,
Is to brighten the tragical drama of war
By providing the comic relief.
If I were like a man I know and Billing were my name,
I wouldn't waste my precious time in striving after fame;
I'd let it come to me unsought, unstruggled for, and then
I'd just go on existing as a perfect specimen.
No care would line my marble brow; I'd take no thought of pelf;
I'd lie the long day through at ease a-thinking of myself;
For when a man's mere presence lends to any scene delight
He needn't worry what he does—whate'er he does is right.
If I could bloom as blooms the rose, and Billing were a bee,
With all my pink and petalled force I'd coax him unto me;
I'd open out my honeyed store, and he might linger on,
Or cut and cut and come again until the whole were gone.
Such heaps of charm our Billing has, such tons of savoir faire,
It irks me much to see him spend his treasures on the air;
And, still to hint a further fault, he cultivates the pose
Of knowing all of everything, and lets you know he knows.
Reproductions of Mr. Punch's picture "Haven" are to be sold for the benefit of the Star and Garter Building Fund, and may be obtained from the Secretary of the Fund, at 21, Old Bond Street, W. They are to be had in two sizes, at 2s. 6d. and 1s., or, with Postage and Packing, 2s. 10d. and 1s. 2d.