SET DOWN FOR TRIAL.
Dear Mr. Punch,
During the Winter Vacation, now at an end, I have been visiting some of the theatres with a view to educating my eldest son. Hearing that in A Man's Shadow at the Haymarket there was a representation of "the Assize Chamber, Palais de Justice, Paris," I took Northbutt (the name I have given to my boy, in recognition of the kindness that is habitually shown to the Junior Bar by two of the most courteous Judges of modern times) to that temple of the Drama, and was delighted at the dignity and legal acuteness displayed by Mr. Kemble as the President of the Court. On referring to the programme, I found that the part of the Usher was played by Mr. Robb Harwood, and I trust that learned Gentleman (I cannot help feeling that from his Christian name, Mr. Harwood must be connected with the law) will forgive me if I make a few suggestions. It has been my good fortune to be present in a French Court, and I can assure Mr. Robb, that the Usher is an infinitely more important personage than he represents him to be. I am not a dramatist, but I can readily understand that it might interfere with the interest of the play, and perhaps, unduly damage the importance properly attributable to the utterances of the Lessee of the theatre, were Mr. Robb to give increased prominence to his rôle while Mr. Beerbohm Tree is present in the character of Lucien Laroque. But this is unnecessary, as Mr. Kemble about the middle of the sitting very properly adjourns the Court presumably for luncheon. It is then, that the Usher should emerge from his comparative obscurity, and, so to speak, make his mark. I jot down a rough idea of my notion in dramatic form for the consideration of the adapter of the piece, Mr. Robert Buchanan.
Scene—The Assize Chamber (Palais of Justice, Paris). Mr. Kemble has just retired with his colleagues to luncheon. Mr. Beerbohm Tree, as Laroque, has been removed in the custody of an old officer, in a uniform produced by Messrs. Nathan, from a sketch by "Karl." (Vide Programme.) Mr. Fernandez is seen seated beneath the dock. Advocates fraternise with a Young Abbé, who has evidently a taste for sensational murder cases.
Usher (to Crowd). Now then, Gentlemen, although the Court has retired, you must keep order. (A murmur.) What, my authority defied! Gendarmes, do your duty! (The Gendarmes suppress Crowd.) M. l'Abbé, a word with you. (The Abbé approaches Usher respectfully.) I am told by the Nurse of Mademoiselle Suzanne that Madame Laroque is dying. Can you kindly let me see the Doctor who has the case in hand?
M. L'Abbé (glad of something to say). Certainly, Monsieur. The Doctor is one of my intimate friends, and will be proud of an introduction.
[Retires, in search of the Medical Man.
Usher. Thank you! (is given a letter by Mr. Beerbohm Tree, who has reappeared as his own Shadow). Well, Sirrah, what do you want?
Mr. Tree's Shadow (clearing his throat). Urrerrer! Take that to Mr. Fernandez over yonder, and wake him up with it! Urrerrerrer!
[Exit.
Usher. With pleasure; but (smiling) what a quaint noise! (Approaching Mr. Fernandez.) Monsieur, allow me to offer you my snuff-box—it is heartily at your service. (Mr. Fernandez accepts the courtesy with effusion.) And now, my old friend, take this packet, which I fancy is from your wife. I hope Madame is well? (Mr. Fernandez smilingly bows and eats a sandwich.) I am delighted to hear it. (Sternly to Mr. Tree, who has entered in another disguise.) Well, Monsieur, and what do you want with me?
Mr. Tree in another disguise (seizing the opportunity of showing his well-known versatility). I am the Doctor who is attending Madame Laroque! She is very ill! Believe me, Usher—— (Makes a pathetic speech in a new voice with appropriate gesticulation, finishing with these words), and if he dies, she will die also!
Usher (who has been weeping). Sad! sad! sad! Ah! Monsieur, you have a hand of silver——
Mr. Tree (in the other disguise). And a heart of gold!
[Exit.
Usher (wiping his eyes). Dear me his story has affected me strangely! But, I must dissemble! Let not the hollow heartless crowd see my emotion! I must laugh and joke, although my heart may be breaking! (Suddenly.) I will tell a good story to Mr. Fernandez who, I notice, is deeply concerned at the news contained in the letter he has just received from his wife—that news may be the revelation of her own miserable past! (Approaching the Counsel for the Defence.) Ah, my old and valued friend, let me cheer you up with an amusing anecdote. You must know that once upon a time a man was seated before the kitchen-fire watching a leg of mutton! His dog was seated near him!
Mr. Fernandez (in an undertone—as himself). Go away!
Usher (ignoring the interruption). The dog seized the mutton, and the man cast the stool after him—thus it was said that two legs, finding four legs had stolen one leg, threw after him three legs! Ha! ha! ha! You will see two legs—the man—four legs, the dog—one leg, the mutton—and three legs, the stool! A quaint conceit! A quaint—ha! ha! ha!—a quaint conceit indeed!
Mr. Fernandez (as before, but more so). Go away!
[Mr. Kemble here returns, and the Usher resumes his ordinary manner. Scene concluded according to Mr. Buchanan's version.
Wishing you the compliments of the season (in which Northbutt joins),
I remain, dear Mr. Punch,
Yours truly,
A Briefless, Junior.
Pump-handle Court, Temple, 20th Jan., 1890.
