PATERFAMILIAS ON HIS CENSUS PAPER.
Head of the Family! That makes me quail.
I am the Head—and thereby hangs a tale!
This big blue paper, ruled in many a column,
Gives rise to some misgivings sad and solemn.
Relation to that Head? That Head's buzz-brained,
And its "relations" are—just now—"much strained."
Citizen-duty I've no wish to shirk,
But would the State do its own dirty work—
(My daughters swear 'tis dirty). I'd be grateful.
Instructions? Yes! Imperative and fateful!
But, oh! I wish they would "instruct" me how
To tell the truth without a family row.
"Best of my knowledge and belief"! Ah well
If Aunt MEHITABEL her age won't tell;
If Cook will swear she's only thirty-three,
And rather fancies she was born at sea
(Where I am now) my "knowledge and belief"
Are not worth much to the official chief,
BRIDGES P. HENNIKER, if he only knew it.
A True Return? Well, if it is not true, it
Is not my fault. Inquisitorial band,
I've done my level best—Witness my Hand!
The bothering business makes me feel quite bilious,
Peace now—for ten years more!
PATERFAMILIAS.