THE VERY WILDEST WEST.
["The idea of transporting the Coliseum at Rome to the shores of Lake Michigan has been broached in all seriousness. The American Syndicate who desire to make the Coliseum an attractive feature of the Chicago Exhibition, rely for success on the financial necessities of the Italian Government."—Daily Paper.]
(BY ATLANTIC CABLE.)
President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
A Chicago Syndicate has asked me to mention that they want your Coliseum. What price do you ask? They would be glad of it for the World-Fair, which will be about the biggest thing ever seen on this planet. No trouble to you. We take all risks!
King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.
Cannot discuss Coliseum subject till you've settled New Orleans lynching business in conformity with International Law.
President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
All right. Thought you'd say that. Chicago Syndicate willing to meet your views about New Orleans. Do you want leading members of Grand Jury shipped quietly over to Italy, or what? Syndicate will do anything to oblige. Says it must have Coliseum, especially by moonlight. Intends starting realistic scenes with Gladiators, Lions, and Christian Martyrs.
King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.
On reflection, afraid people here wouldn't like it. Sorry to have to decline your offer.
President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
You want ready cash. We want Coliseum. Why not strike bargain? Syndicate offers five million dollars. Useful for your next Budget. You can remit no end of taxes. People sure to like that.
King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.
Couldn't let it go so cheap. Have you thought of Parthenon? Greek Government might part with it as a loan, on reasonable terms.
President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
Thanks for suggesting Parthenon. Chicago Syndicate thinks it's not good enough. Couldn't bring in the Lions and Martyrs very well. Also Parthenon by moonlight not such a safe draw as Coliseum.
King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.
Might think of it if you increased offer to ten million dollars, and would promise to return it within two years, in good repair, fair wear and tear alone excepted.
President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
Syndicate says if they have to pay so much for Coliseum, and return it, they must have remains of Forum thrown in.
King H-mb-rt to President H-rr-s-n.
Don't think we could spare ruins of Forum. Have you thought of Vatican? We could easily spare that. Why not approach the POPE on the subject?
President H-rr-s-n to King H-mb-rt.
No, thanks! Sorry to have troubled you for nothing, but Syndicate has now arranged to build a Coliseum of its own, double the size of yours, and to reproduce Forum, Parthenon, Capitol, Vatican, as well as Windsor Castle and Westminster Abbey, out of old brown paper, compressed and hardened by a new process. Ta-ta for present! Hope you'll get over next Budget all right.
