IN HIS CLUTCHES.
Murmurs (from the lucky Peris who can just see the witness-box through the glass panel). Who's that in the box? That's Colonel ARKASS—finishing his cross-examination.... Doesn't seem to be enjoying himself.... See how he's tugging at his moustache.... Got a nasty one just then, I expect.... I'd as soon believe 'im as I would 'er—now.... She ain't been in the box yet.... No, but she's a reg'lar bad lot, from what was said in the opening speech. They won't change my opinion of 'er, whichever way the case goes! Well, I 'aven't followed it closely myself.... Oh, no more have I—but still I've made up my mind long ago about it, (&c., &c.)
The I.S. (suddenly returning, indignant). I say, they're letting in all sorts of people—barristers, and so on—at that other door!
Doork. Can't 'elp that, Sir; this ain't the other door—you should speak to them about it!
The I.S. (naïvely). Well, I have—and they told me to come here!
[General snigger, amidst which he departs in disgust.
A Small Office-Boy (with a strip of paper, tied with red tape). Kin I see Sir HALFRID ALLABYE a moment?
Doork. Sir ALFRED ain't in this Court—he's engaged in another case.
The O.B. 'Is Clurk'll do—it's 'ighly important—you better lemme in, I tell yer!
Doork. Send in a message for yer, if that'll do. (The O.B. says it doesn't signify, and bolts.) Young Artful! thinks he'll sneak in, and spend his dinner-hour there—but he don't!
The M.M. (who has been examining his card under a gaslight). I say, I've just found out that it wasn't "Please wait" that Mr. TANFIELD wrote on my card—it's "Please Admit!"
[A general titter of incredulity.
First W.W. (to Second W.W.). Ingenious—but a trifle transparent that, eh?
[His friend smiles knowingly.
The M.M. (roused). Do you mean to suggest that I—
[He chokes.
First W.W. Oh, not at all—I was speaking to my friend here. But you really must allow that, if any preference is shown at all, it should be given—equitably, and of right—to Members of the Bar!
Chorus from the other Peris. Yes, they've stood here nearly as long as you have. You must wait your turn, like the rest of us! No preferences 'ere! We've got as much right to go in as you.... If Mr. TANFIELD wants you admitted over our heads, let him come and let you in himself! If any one goes in first, it ought to be Barristers! (&c., &c.)
Doork. (impartially). Well, it ain't o' much consequence, Gentlemen, for I can't let none of you in at present!
[The M.M. simmers with suppressed rage; wonders if it is worth while to mention that he happens to be a Barrister himself, and wishes to enter for the serious and legitimate purpose of collecting material for an Essay he is contributing on "The Abuse of Cross-Examination" to the "Nineteenth Century." On reflection, he thinks he had better not.
Doork. (as the crowd in Court is again convulsed). Clear the way there! Court rising—Counsel coming out! Ah, this is Mr. TANFIELD.
The Peris (White Wigs and all). Now we shall see!
[They regard the M.M. with anticipatory triumph.
Mr. Tanfield (passing out, and recognising the M.M.). Why, my dear MUTTON, won't they let you in? Here, come along with me!
[He passes his arm through the M.M.'s, walks with him to the other door, murmurs a request for his admission, and the next moment the M.M. is safe in the haven of his desire.
The other Peris (looking after him enviously). Well, of all the brazen impudence!
[They are swept aside by the current of emerging Counsel, Spectators, &c. and re-assemble, to find the doors as pitilessly closed against them as ever. The White Wigs threaten to write to the "Law Times" on the subject, and are regarded with admiration by the rest as Champions of Popular Rights.
