ON THE THRESHOLD OF THEMIS.
(A Sketch in the New Law Courts in anticipation of the very next "Cause Célèbre" that may have the good fortune to enlist the sympathies of the British Public.)
SCENE—A Corridor outside the Courts appropriated to the Common Law Division of the High Court of Justice. At each of the doors of the Court where the Great Trial of Arkass v. Arkass and Ambo—which abounds in "scandalous revelations in High Life"—is proceeding, a group of would-be auditors has collected, waiting with the patience of respectable Peris for a chance of admission to the forensic Paradise within. The Paradise, at present, is full to overflowing, and the doors are guarded by a couple of particularly stern and stolid attendants. Each Peri is trying to wear out the endurance of the rest, and to propitiate the doorkeepers by exemplary behaviour.
A Meek Man (to Doorkeeper, after standing in hopeful silence for three-quarters of an hour). I suppose there'll be a chance of getting in presently, eh?
The Doorkeeper (placidly). None whatever, Sir.
The M.M. But they'll be rising for luncheon in an hour or so, and some will be coming out then, surely?
Doork. Not many; them as are in stays in, mostly.
The M.M. (with a sudden recollection that he is acquainted with one of the Counsel engaged in the case). Couldn't you take in my card to Mr. TANFIELD? I'm sure he'll do anything he could for me.
[The rest regard him with extreme disfavour, as one guilty of unsportsmanlike behaviour.
Doork. It won't be no use—there ain't room in there as it is for a billiard-cue—leastwise (conscientiously), a stoutish one—but I'll get it taken in for you, if you like.
[He opens the door a very little, and passes the card to an attendant within.
Junior Members of the Junior Bar (in very clean white wigs, with hauteur). Thought you had orders to let Counsel in before the general public? There ought to be some rule about that, if there isn't.
Doork. So we do, Sir; but if this gentleman's a friend of Mr. TANFIELD's, and he arsks me to admit him, why you see—
Junior Junior (witheringly). The convenience of mere Members of the Bar must give way, naturally!
[The inside Attendant returns with card, which the Doorkeeper unlocks the door to receive, and then shuts it to with a sharp click, like a wild-beast-tamer.
Doork. (to the M.M., after perusing card by the dim light). I told you it wouldn't be no use, Sir. "Please wait," it says.
[General movement of virtuous satisfaction at this well-merited rebuke.
The M.M. (wishing he had not put his trust in TANFIELD). I—I have waited—but it don't matter. (Addressing First White Wig, from a timid social impulse). The—er—Plaintiff made some remarkable admissions in the box yesterday—his cross-examination seemed pretty severe.
First White Wig (after a stare at his audacity). Cross-examination not unfrequently is. (To the other W.W.) See that extraordinary decision of old JUBBER's in Biling v. Bulgin? Of course they'll appeal!
[The couple converse in highly technical terms for some minutes.
The M.M. (at the next pause). It struck me that Colonel ARKASS rather contradicted himself on one or two points.
Second W.W. Very likely. (To First W.W.) What do you do when you're before one of these confounded Common Law Judges, and see he's looking up a point of Equity in a text-book during your argument? Do you wait for him?
First W.W. (with all the decision of a Counsel who was called the Term before last). Wait for him? No—go on talking about anything you like, till he's ready to listen to you again. That's what I always do!
An Important Stranger (bustling up; to Doorkeepers). Here, I say, let me in, will you!
Doork. You a Witness in this case, Sir?
The Imp. S. (after a tell-tale pause). Er—yes—in a sort of way, y'know.
Doork. Then your entrance is down below, Sir, in the Central 'All—you'll see it written up there.
The I.S. Haw—well, I'm not exactly a witness, but I'm interested in the case, y'know.
Doork. So are all these Gentlemen, Sir—but they can't get in.
The I.S. No—but look here. I know the criminals—'tleast I don't mean to call 'em that, y'know—hope they're all innocent, I'm sure. I like 'em all; danced with 'em, and all that, lots of times.
Doork. Ah, well, you see they ain't dancin' to-day, Sir. (The I.S. bustles away; there is a stir within; the portion of the crowd in Court that is visible through the glass-doors heaves convulsively, and presently produces a stout and struggling Q.C.). Make way there! Stand aside, gentlemen, please. Counsel coming out!
[Q.C. comes out, puffing, followed by his Clerk and a Client.
First W.W. (as the chasm in the crowd closes again). Now you can let us in!
Doork. (stolidly). Not yet, Sir. (To other Doork.) I see that party agen last night—you know—him as was here making all that shindy day afore yesterday. I went and 'ad a drink with 'im.
Second Doork. (interested). Ah, and 'ow was he?
First Doork. Oh, same as usual—boozed. Told me he'd come up from Glasgow for a week's spree—and he seems to be 'aving it, too. Going 'ome Saturday, so he sez.
Second Doork. (grimly). He'll be lucky if he gets there Saturday fortnight!
