THE GREAT AFRICAN LION-TAMER.
["He fully admitted the difficulties of the Government and Sir Henry Loch. Both found themselves to be in a most exceptionally difficult position, created by those who had gone before them by granting in the wrong way the charter to the Company. He admitted that both Lord Ripon and Sir Henry Loch did their best in the circumstances for a long time to maintain peace; both urged that war should be avoided.... Mr. Rhodes was Prime Minister of Cape Colony, and obviously Sir Henry Loch had an exceedingly difficult position in dealing as Prime Minister and as the head of the Company with that gentleman, to whom he could not say that he did not quite believe him, and that he was forcing on the war."—Mr. Labouchere on the Chartered Company and Matabeleland.]
Lion-Tamer (grandly). "Walk up, walk up, ladies and gentlemen! See the great African live lion, Matabele—called Lo Ben for short—larger than (average) life, and thrice as natural as normal (menagerie) nature! Walk up! Walk up! Taming process just about to begin——
Agent of Menagerie Proprietor (sotto voce). Oh, well you know—subject, of course, to—ahem!—every provision being made for—a—humanity—and—ahem—every precaution being taken against—a—a—needless risks, you know, and—a—obvious cruelty, you see—and—ahem!—all that sort of thing, don't you know.
Lion-Tamer (nettled). No, I don't know, dontcher know. And what's more I don't believe you know, dontcher know, nor your guv'nors neither, for that matter. What is your little game, anyhow?
Agent (with some assumption of dignity). We have no "little game." Little Game is not the word. Lions, I believe, are generally called "Big Game," by Nimrods and others.
[Sniggers as one who has scored.
Lion-Tamer (sardonically). Nimrod, indeed! Ah! a mighty hunter before the Lords you are, ain't you? You and your lot! Rural rabbits and parochial foxes are G——'s "Big Game," eh?
Agent. This is neither the time nor the place to argue that point. Your business is lion-taming; ours is menagerie-managing.
Lion-Tamer (scornfully). All right, my noble swell! Manage him!
[Pointing to Lion, who is ramping and roaring.
Agent. Not at all, not at all!
[Spectators become impatient.
Lion-Tamer. Well, look here, do you want this lion tamed for you, or do you not?
Agent. Why, cert'n'ly! Subject of course to the assistance—ahem!—I should say supervision of Loch and myself.
Lion-Tamer. Ah, "supervise" away as much as you please, only don't interfere with me. The old game! Stand by while I do the dangerous part of the business, hamper me as much as you can, and when, in spite of you all, I am successfully through, take the business—and the credit—over yourselves!
Agent (aside). Wonderful man, very. Wish I quite knew what to make of him. Lion-tamers, like fire, are excellent servants, but bad masters. All alike, all alike, Clive, Warren Hastings, Rajah Brooke, Jamaica Eyre, Bartle Frere, Gordon, all wonderful, and—in the end—very useful, but worrying, worrying!
Lion-Tamer (proceeding). Walk up, walk up, ladies and gentlemen! All in to begin! See the big black-maned African lion, fresh from Mashonaland wilds; bigger than Churchill ever chased or Selous slew, or Van Amburgh subdued, tamed in the twinkling of an assegai, conquered in the 'tss! of a Hotchkiss, by the Great South African Lion-Tamer, Rhodorowdidow the Rumbistical.
Spectators. Hooray! Hooray!! Hoo-ray!!!
Agent (aside). How wonderfully popular these thrasonical wild-beast tamers and prancing proconsul sort of fellows are—with the gallery!
Lion-Tamer (to attendant). I say, just hand me the loaded whip, and—keep the poker hot, in case of emergency——
Agent (hurriedly). Oh, here, I say; that will never do, Rhodorowdidow!
Lion-Tamer (impatiently). What do you mean?
Agent. Why, you know, loaded bludgeons and red-hot pokers read too much like—Cruelty to Animals! What would Labby and the Humanitarians say? You're none too popular already, you know, in certain quarters. Your masterful little ways and monetary success have put a good many backs up. We mustn't run any needless risks, Rhodo. Wouldn't this little toy-whip and this big bottle of (medicated) rose-water do as well?
Lion-Tamer (scornfully). Was it with Rose-water that "John Company" tamed your Indian tiger for you?
