A VOTE OF THANKS.
By a Hard-up Journalist.
[A strange light has appeared on that part of the surface of Mars not illuminated by the sun. The Westminster Gazette of August 2 asks the question, "Is Mars signalling to us?">[
Oh, men of Mars, we thank you, your behaviour's really kind! (Forgive us if you've lately slipped somewhat out of mind!) For now the silly season's set in with all its "rot," You once more raise the question whether you exist or not.
No doubt the good old topics will trot out yet again:— "Is Flirting on the Increase?" "Is Marriage on the Wane?" Big gooseberries as usual with sea-serpents will compete, To help the British Press-man his columns to complete!
But you, my merry Martians, have opportunely planned A mild but new sensation for the holidays at hand; Your planet's "terminator," it seems, is now ablaze— 'Tis, say the cognoscenti, a signal that you raise!
What is it that you're shewing terrestrial telescopes? Is't pills you're advertising, or booming patent soaps? How on earth can one discover what by this beacon's meant, Whether news of Royal Weddings or Railway Strikes is sent?
Alas! We haven't mastered the transplanetic code; Your canals are yet a riddle, in vain your fires have glowed! Still, do not let your efforts each August-tide abate— You furnish us with "copy," which maintains the Fourth Estate!
Distinguished Visitors to Bournemouth.—The Royal Bath Hotel announces "Private Suites." Is "General Bitters" there also?
Educational Motto. (For Mr. Acland's use.)—"A place for every child, and every child in its place."
ON A CERTAIN CONDESCENSION IN FOREIGNERS.
He. "Oh, you're from America, are you? People often say to me, 'Don't you dislike Americans?' But I always say 'I believe there are some very nice ones among them.'"
She. "Ah, I dare say there may be Two or Three nice People amongst Sixty Millions!"