LIPS AND THEIR LESSONS.
["General PERSHING has collected round him a staff of thin-lipped determined men."—The Observer.]
If physiognomists are right,
And faces count as half the battle,
We clearly ought not to invite
Comparison with sheep or cattle,
But rather should improve the features
That mark us off from humbler creatures.
Eyebrows projecting like a bush
Are facial assets to be prized,
Denoting driving-power and push
In men however undersized
(Bear's grease or paraffin or both
Will largely stimulate their growth).
The fish-like and lethargic eye
We should endeavour to efface,
And foster visual orbs that vie
With those of eagles in its place;
While belladonna's artful use
An extra brilliance may produce.
Nor are there wanting ways and means
Enabling experts to impose
By sundry suitable machines
Fine character upon the nose;
And nasal dignity, we find,
Promptly reacts upon the mind.
But those who in this great reform
Of face and feature are engrossed
Agree that to enforce a norm
In labial fabric matters most;
The lips that help a race to win
Unquestionably must be thin.
Therefore with pleasure unalloyed
We learn that great Columbia's sons,
With PERSHING busily employed
In laying plans to down the Huns,
According to a trusty pen
Are "thin-lipped and determined men."
On the retirement of certain Tanks from their War Bond duties:—
"They can understand, we hope, how very jolly it has been to have them, and how sorry we are to see them go. We shall probably sing those typical English ballads 'Auld Lang Syne' and 'Will ye no come back again?'"—Daily Paper.
A Scottish correspondent suggests the addition of a few other "typical English ballads," such as "The Wearing of the Green," "Men of Harlech," "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "The Marseillaise."
"Applications will be received by Mr. J. Arnold, Chairman of the Bathurst Municipality, for a TOWN CLERK, whose duties will be the following, viz.: Competent Bookkeeper, Sanitary Inspector, Street Inspector, and to supervise labour party on roads, Native Location Inspector, Dog Tax Collector, Ranger, Caretaker of the Municipal Dipping Tank and be able to mix dip. Kafir language essential."—South African Paper.
And he'll want a lot of it.
