FINANCIAL INTELLIGENCE.
The decision of The Westminster Gazette to return to its old figure of a penny must not be taken as a sign that prices generally are coming down. On the contrary there is every indication that they are rising and will still rise, as the following symptomatic scraps of news, gathered from all parts of the country, go to prove:—
The First Commissioner of Oaths states that "twopenny damns" will, until further notice, be eight-pence each.
A schoolmaster in Birmingham who propounded the old question about a herring and a half costing three half-pence has been put under restraint as a dangerous lunatic.
If the information that reaches us from a little bird is correct, a boycott of sparrows is in progress, owing to their inveterate habit of saying, "Cheep! Cheep!"
Mr. HEINEMANN announces that, as a concession to modern susceptibilities, he has decided to alter the title of Mr. HERGESHEIMER'S successful novel, The Three Black Pennys to The Three Black Half-crowns.
All guinea-pigs and guinea-fowls will from the present date onwards be two guineas.
In the best profiteering circles cigars are now lighted with spills made of one-pound, notes, instead of, as during the war, ten-shilling ones.
A well-known orchestral leader states that there is a serious movement afoot to popularise "The Dear Home Land" as an encore for the National Anthem.
The legal profession has long been concerned by the fact that lawyers' fees remain so fixed in a world given over to flux. It has now been decided that, although the fees shall remain the same, less value shall be given. For six-and-eightpence a solicitor will in future give only half his attention, by listening with only one ear.
Commercial Candour.
"EGGS FOR SALE.
"Why go out of —— to be swindled? Come to the —— Poultry Farm."
"IN MY GARDEN.
"April 4.—Now is a suitable time to saw sweet peas."—Daily Mirror.
When the stalks are very strong we always use an axe.