WAITING HIS ORDERS.
The Home Secretary, after the revelations made by a distinguished member of the Representative body of Theatrical Managers and Music Hall Proprietors that called upon him last week to protest against the further extension of Inspecting Powers to the Metropolitan Board, having expressed a wish to hear something still further of the correspondence, said to be of a blackmailing character, which was referred to in the course of the proceedings, the Deputation again called on him yesterday afternoon for the purpose of supplying him with fresh information on the subject.
Augustus Druriolanus opposing the Invasion of Plancus Operator Autocraticus.
In re-introducing them, Mr. Jackson Partland, M.P., said that since their last interview they had heard that, with a view to the better control of the correspondence of subordinate officials of the Board, an enterprising firm of publishers had undertaken to provide for their use A Complete Letter-writer, a few of the proof-sheets of which had chanced to come into their possession. As they seemed to have some bearing on the present case, they thought that perhaps the Home Secretary might like to look at them. In presenting them to his notice, they felt it was hardly necessary to point out that a public Department from which such documents might be expected to issue was scarcely calculated to inspire that general confidence so essential to the smooth and efficient working that might reasonably be expected of it. The subjoined proof-sheets, which he appeared to peruse with much attention, were then handed to the Home Secretary:—
From an Official of the Board to a Popular Manager, asking for Places during the Height of the Pantomime Season.
Metropolitan Board of Shirks Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, February 17.
My Dear Gus,—(Excuse the familiarity, but it is a way we have on the "Board")—I know you are turning money away nightly, but you must really manage to let me have the Queen's Box, and the two others on each side of it (all three knocked into one) for three days—say, Monday, Thursday, and Friday next week. I wish to bring my grandfather, two aged aunts, my sister-in-law, all her children, and my own, and lots of cousins and connections who know my interest with you, and have asked me to get 'em good places. Don't say you can't do it, my dear boy, for you know I can be nasty when I like, and should be sorry to put you to the expense of clapping on another staircase or two to the upper circles. Ha! ha! that would be a joke, wouldn't it? However, let's hope it won't come to that.
Yours ever,
John Begg.
P.S.—If there's a difficulty about the boxes, I wouldn't mind a whole row of stalls right across the theatre in the best part. But mind, one or the other, I must have.
From Same to Same, on the former receiving, in reply, an Order for two to the Upper Boxes, not admitted after half-past Seven.
Metropolitan Board of Shirks Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, February 19.
Sir.—I am utterly astounded at the insolence of your response to my request, and thus fling back your tickets (re-enclosed) in your face. Do you know, Sir, who I am? Are you aware that I can make your theatre too hot to hold you? Do you reflect that I can force you to open up a dozen,—ay, and if need be, twenty-four—new and roomy exits on every blessed floor in your house. And yet, with this knowledge, you dare to haggle in your mind over the price of three paltry boxes on the Grand Tier. Why, you must be mad!—stark! However, to be plain with you, I'll tell you what it is. Unless you send me by return the places I have named, and which, as an Official of the Board, have the goodness to understand, I claim as a right, I'll let loose a Committee of Inspection on you in two twos, without notice, and if, after they've paid you a visit, they leave you a single leg to stand upon, I promise you it won't be the fault of
Yours, meaning business, officially,
John Begg.
From Same to Same, after receipt of various Complimentary Admissions, making still further demands.
Metropolitan Board of Shirks, Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, March 1.
My Very Dear Sir,—Thank you for the last six Private Boxes, which, although not all of them in quite first-rate positions, enabled me to knock on a few obligations that I was under to certain importunate friends and connections. But I am now going to tax your kindness still further. I wish to give all my tradesmen a treat, and should like them to have the Queen's Box in turn. I am, therefore, sending you the addresses of my butcher, my baker, my bootmaker, milkman, greengrocer, and my tailor, and request that you will communicate directly with them, with a view to finding out on what nights they could most conveniently visit the theatre, and arranging accordingly. Please be careful to direct the envelopes carefully and legibly, as I should be sorry that any carelessness on your part should lead to disagreeables over the matter. Indeed, as long as you keep me well supplied with the places I require on the Grand Tier, I have no wish to be nasty. But you know, from experience, it won't do to put my back up, and that rather than put an official spoke into your wheel, I would always prefer to receive your orders, and be able to sign myself, as I do now,
Yours cordially,
John Begg.
From Same to Same, on receiving Apologetic and Explanatory Letter enclosing sixteen undated Stalls.
Metropolitan Board of Shirks, Compromising Architect's Department, Spring Heel Gardens, March 4.
Mr. Begg wishes to know whether Mr. Harris takes him for a fool. Mr. B. particularly told Mr. H., that he wanted him to let him have the Queen's Box for six consecutive nights, as he wished to give his, Mr. B's., Tradesmen a treat. How does Mr. H. think Mr. B. is going to manage that in suitable style, in sixteen undated Stalls! But perhaps Mr. H. is desirous of provoking an Official Inspection, and would like to be called on to provide a new set of dressing-rooms, a couple of iron-curtains, and be ordered to rebuild his Entrance Hall. Mr. B. merely throws this out as a hint, but would advise Mr. H. if he wishes to keep out of trouble, to despatch the demanded boxes, to the addresses already furnished him forthwith.
The Home Secretary said, that after giving the above specimens of correspondence his careful consideration, he could not say that he thought them particularly out of the way, but as there somehow seemed to be a general impression that they were, he supposed something ought to be done. He would think the matter over, and perhaps in the course of next summer he might possibly hit on some solution.
The Deputation having thanked him, then withdrew.