MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.
Journalistic Criticism.
"This piece must come off at once;" i.e., "I've got one which would just come in nicely, and could let 'em have it cheap."
"The dialogue is poor, the plot badly constructed;" i.e., "These are the two things for which everybody is going to praise this dramatic author. So I'll have my knife into him."
"The music is pretty enough, though some of the principal melodies irresistibly call to mind the popular works of other composers;" i.e., "He'll be praised for his originality. Bah! I've written things just as good as these."
"A most amusing Article, but a little of it goes a long way;" i.e., Is tired of his subject, and wants to turn his attention to something else.
Social.
"It's a very curious fact;" i.e., "Now to pile on the embroidery."
"Now, do drop all formality, and look in to dinner quite in a friendly way. But you must take us just as you find us;" i.e., "It counts as a formal invitation, and he's sure not to come."
"You can't come! Oh, I'm so sorry!" i.e., "Didn't even know I'd asked her."
Platformulars.
"If at any time, by one jot, or one tittle, or one hair's breadth, or in the very slightest degree, or in the least;" i.e., "What, oh, what was I going to say? Can't go on like this for ever."
"Never was the country menaced with a more critical danger; never was our Party more enthusiastically united in confronting it;" i.e., "It won't make a bad cry, and may pull the stragglers together a bit."
"An oration which for a splendid combination of close reasoning and moving eloquence, is scarcely paralleled even among the many masterpieces of the illustrious speaker;" i.e., "An average speech from the point of view of the speaker's journalistic supporters."
"Its loose logic, ineffective rhetoric, and undignified petulance, furnishes a pitiful proof of the intellectual and moral decadence of a once great name;" i.e., The same oration seen from the other side.
Friendly Comments on Character and Accomplishments.
"His knowledge of music is something quite phenomenal;" i.e., "He knows, and can talk about, absolutely nothing else."
"Would be quite lovely, but for a certain je ne sais quoi which repels most people;" i.e., "Beautiful beyond all criticism that is not vaguely venomous."
"You dear thing!" i.e., "You inconsequent little noodle!"
Curiomania.
"How quite too weirdly quaint!" i.e., "What an uncanny horror of archaic ugliness!"
"How quite too awfully kind of you to take all this trouble!" i.e., "Foolish old faddist! What is bliss to him is boredom to me."
"How fearful you must be of fire!" i.e., "Oh, for a lucky conflagration!"
Railroad Amenities.
"Oh, I'm sure I shall enjoy it immensely;" i.e., "He can't talk any more than a semaphore, and looks as sleepy as an owl."
"What! You go right on to-day without changing? That is nice;" i.e., "Confound it! I thought there would be a chance of a cigar after the Junction."
"Oh yes, plenty of room, and pleased to have you;" i.e., "Old nuisance! will quite spoil my promising tête-à-tête."
Preparing for Private Theatricals.
"You see you have just the figure—slim and graceful you know—for Signor Dumcramboni, which is the great thing;" i.e., "Must flatter him a little, or he'll kick at the one-speech part."
"Oh, I leave myself entirely in your hands;" i.e., "Wait till I'm fairly in, and I'll show him!"
"Really, the prodigious passion that Mr. Elderberrie throws into the declaration-scene quite disconcerts me;" i.e., "Preposterous old pump-handle!"
"Well, I'm sure I don't know what we should do without You! You put us all right;" i.e., "Fussy old idiot! Once spoke to Macready, and fancies himself no end of a Manager."
Trade Embellishments.
"Champagne. Grand Vin. Special Brand. Cuvée Reservée, 1874. Offered at 28s. the Dozen. Only a few dozen of this magnificent wine are left;" i.e., A dangerous home-manufactured compound of apple and gooseberry, that could not be safely offered even at a funeral.
"The 'Indian Sunrise' Rheumatic Vinegar, distilled in the far East from the choicest Oriental herbs;" i.e., Some stuff made in Shoreditch of common blue vitriol and turpentine.
Over the Baby.
"Oh, how like!" i.e., "Like?—Yes, like every other baby."