THE HANWELL COOKERY BOOK.
So much progress has been made in that humane treatment of insane persons, which allows them to follow their ordinary callings and pursuits, that nearly all the in-door work of many lunatic asylums is now performed by the patients.
Thus at Hanwell there are lunatic gardeners who keep their parterres and greenhouses in a most rational state of order and neatness, and we have not heard that the cracked violinist, to whose music his poor companions are allowed to dance, is in the habit of mixing up "Pop goes the Weasel" with the Dead March in Saul, or committing any similar instrumental vagary, as many might expect. Encouraged by the success of the gardening, washing, ironing, tailoring, and other experiments, the Directors of this noble establishment have recently attempted to extend this employment of the insane to the higher branches of household economy—including the great mystery of the kitchen.
But insane cookery, to judge of the specimens of the Hanwell cuisine which are now before us, does not seem likely to turn out so well as the simpler arts to which the presence of the wits does not appear absolutely indispensable. It is to be feared that the digestions of the inmates of the asylum might be seriously impaired by such dishes as the following:—
Soufflet à la Bombardino.
Take three-quarters of a pound of Dorking lime, two ounces of the best saltpetre, and a coffee-cup full of tin tacks. Beat well together with a whisk, bake for seven minutes and a quarter; add a few horse-chestnuts, a handful of cow's hair, and a gill of lemon juice. If the cook be a dissenter, or have secretly married the butler, the lemon juice may be omitted.
Apoplectic Jelly.
Take four hundred kangaroo's eggs, and when the water is hot simmer gently, stirring in dandelion leaves one by one: strain all through a thin deal board, and set it by in a pint basin to cool. This will keep for any length of time (if Dr. Conolly is not allowed to look at it), and will serve as a vegetable for sick people or young children. If not sweet enough, add some indigo and a pound of steel-filings.
Oltenitza Pudding.
Take some old Russia duck and shred it in a stew-pan with as much water as you can pour in without putting the fire out. When the feathers are loose pluck them out carefully, and mince with forced meat for garnish. Put in half a tablespoonful of salt, a bunch of chopped straw, and a little grated pumice-stone, then add the rice. Sweeten to your taste, dress with your garnish, and serve in a napkin. A few tea-leaves sprinkled over, will make it look more inviting. If anybody comes into the kitchen while the stew-pan is on the fire, put it under the table.
Methuselah Fritters.
Have some castor-oil boiling, slice three large heads of mangel-wurzel, and put them in your castor-oil till quite crisp. Try them with your finger. If done enough they will burn you. Add three oysters, a nutmeg, a teacupful of brown sugar, and a capsicum. If more flavour is wanted, you may add a tablespoonful of Bath brick. Serve up hot on a gridiron. If for a second course, tripe may be substituted for the mangel-wurzel, but oil of vitriol is preferable.
Croquettes à la Conolly.
Steal a marrow-bone from which the marrow has been taken out, and burn it till charred. Then scrape it into a butter-boat, with two spring onions minced, an oyster-shell, and a quarter of a pound of dry glue. Put up in shapes, and let it stand till it is mouldy. Have some treacle cold, and when it boils, dip your croquettes in it one after another, and serve up in the middle of next week. If made with marine glue they require more care, but will eat all the crisper. The yolks of two shop-eggs may be added, but this is a matter of taste, and unless the eggs are very stale they will give your croquettes too nutty a flavour. Some roll the croquettes in the ashes, but this is not to be recommended, unless where there are foreigners at table and a man servant is kept.