THE TURTLE BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION
FOR
THE RELIEF OF DESTITUTE ALDERMEN.
We are glad to inform our readers that a Society, with the above benevolent motive, is in the course of formation. We need not say that, in the state of extreme destitution to which the poor Aldermen are likely, in another year, to be reduced, such a society, like every other society that has hitherto been started, will supply a great vacuum. The use of Turtle to an Alderman has become a sort of second nature; and when, by circumstances over which—unlike the City Funds—he has had no control, he is deprived of that great humanising and aldermanising necessity, we need not say that a very great vacuum will be created in his stomach. It is to fill that vacuum—which, if filled by the Alderman's own resources, would cause a vacuum in his pocket as great as the one that already exists in his mind—that a few charitable individuals have joined together in sympathy and guineas to relieve the wants of a large luxurious class of their fellow-countrymen.
Until the prospectus, in due satin paper and gilt-edge form, is issued, we beg to dot down a few of the principal features of this benevolent association:—
Prince Albert is to be President of this new charity, if he will only accept it, in return for the statue which the Aldermen have been trying to get up in his honour, in the hope that they may be represented on the pedestal in some humble capacity—either as hanging on to his Royal Highness's coat-tails, or else kissing his princely boots.
Committees will be appointed to visit the different Wards, and some of the highest ladies in the land have been most eager in applying for this charitable office.
Aldermen who have passed the chair will be allowed their three basins of Turtle a week. Those, who have not yet come to that awful pass, will only receive their one basin, of the usual size of those which a person pays five shillings for at Birch's.
On the 9th of November—the anniversary of the grand Lord Mayor's Day—the whole body of Aldermen are to be allowed, in addition to their Turtle, a small glass of iced Punch.
A select number, also, will be taken in rotation, and given a ride in glass-coaches, that will be directed to follow the precise route that the Lord Mayor's procession was in the habit of taking every memorable 9th of November. Pocket handkerchiefs will be provided gratuitously, to stem the grief of such Aldermen for whom the sight may be too much.
Negotiations are in treaty for the Mansion House, which will be unoccupied as soon as the City Corporation has died its unnatural death. It is expected to be vacant in a year. A better locality could not possibly be chosen, on account of the number of pleasant associations that are connected with that building, which was so proverbially hospitable with other people's money.
Those Aldermen who are prevented, by illness or modesty, from applying at the Mansion House, will be relieved at their own mansions.
All Aldermen will be expected to bring their own basins and spoons.
Any Alderman convicted of bringing up his basin to be filled a second time on the same day, will be denied any further relief for an entire twelvemonth.
The tickets, under any circumstances, are not to be sold; but it is hoped, in the event of the expected success of the Association, that measures will be taken to add venison to the Turtle.
Further particulars will be shortly published, with a list of the bankers and houses where subscriptions are to be paid, and where the smallest contributions, in the way of turtle or venison, will be thankfully received.
A smaller Charity will also be established—at least the attempt will be made—in connection with the parent one. Its object will be to relieve the Common Councilmen with Mock Turtle.
It is a source of great consolation, to think that these poor miserable creatures, when they are turned out of their comfortable quarters, will not be totally unprovided for in their old age. Ruin, it is true, is staring them in the face; but still their few declining years may be rendered comparatively happy, by their being still supplied with those comforts which the custom of a whole life has turned into nothing less than positive wants. To prove we bear no malice towards those who are fallen, we wish every success to these "Turtle Soup Kitchens for Destitute Aldermen;" and, as soon as the casseroles are got into boiling order, we are ready to pay our first subscription.