"WANTED, A NOBLEMAN!"
Wanted, a Nobleman! ready to fill
His noble inside with a Popular Pill.
He must have a Bad Leg, Indigestion, and Gout,
With an abscess internal, that ought to come out;
He must suffer from Headache, Consumption, and pains
In the nerves, and the elbows, the eyebrows and brains;
He must also have tried every doctor in town—
Doctor Jones, Doctor Smith, Doctor White, Doctor Brown.
But vain must have proved all professional skill,
Till he heard, quite by chance, of the Popular Pill.
Wanted, a Nobleman! full of disease,
From his head to his foot, from his nose to his knees;
With Asthma, Paralysis, Deafness, and Mumps,
Sciatica, Elephantiasis, Dumps,
The Blues, Yellow Jaundice, the Red Gum, White Swelling,
Confining him just twenty years to his dwelling,
And making him pay many doctors a bill—
Till a friend recommended the Popular Pill.
Wanted, a Nobleman! ready to swear,
Of cure or improvement he'd learned to despair;
When a friend, whom he'd known fifty years at death's door,
Whose family long since had given him o'er,
Ran into his chamber with laughter's wild shout;
As he gaily continued to caper about,
Declaring he owed it to taking his fill
(For the last eighteen months) of the Popular Pill.
Wanted, a Nobleman! ready to munch
The Popular Pill between breakfast and lunch;
He must take it at bed-time, at sun-rise, at noon,
At the fall of the leaf, at the full of the moon;
If a noble there is, who's disposed to fulfil
The office of puffing the Popular Pill,
And will of its virtues incessantly speak,
His salary will be a guinea a week!