ODE TO THE MISSING COLLECTOR.

BY REGALIA REYNA.

Where are you now, MR. BAILEY?
We've been looking for you daily,
Sometimes sadly, sometimes gayly,
Ever since the week begun.
Loving you so dear as we do,
Doting on you, doubting for you,
Looking for you, longing for you,
Waiting for you, watching for you,
Fearing you have cut and run,
Ere your heavy task was done
In cigars, and snuff, and rum;
Spoiling for us lots of fun,
And racy items for The Sun,
In the seizure rows begun,
And the heavy raids to come.
Think of poor, forsaken KIRBY,
Think of honest-scented HARVEY!
Your desertion, J. F. BAILEY,
"Busts" our glorious Trinity;
Robs the law of subtlety,
Knocks our look for moietie,
Knocks that Jersey property!
So much whisky all set free:
Where is SHIELDS to get his fee?
Think of melancholy PUFFER,
What the aged CHILDS must suffer!
JOSHUA F., the noble buffer,
"Lost to sight, to memory dear,"
Think of energetic VAIL
Looking round to get his bail,
While you're riding on a rail,
Or on ocean gayly sail
For UNCLE BULL'S dominion!
How could you thus fly the track
With so many stores to "crack,"
And COLUMBUS at your back
To defy the whiskey pack
And popular opinion?
Whiskey "fellers" feeling badly,
Cigar-sellers smoking madly,
Bondsmen looking sorely, sadly,
If their signatures are clear,
If you will not cost them dear,
If in court they must appear
Mournfully, in doubt and fear.
Oh! you weak, unfeeling cuss,
To get them in this shocking muss;
How their pocket-books will rue it!
J.F.B., how could you do it?
Are you putting for the West,
Did you take French leave for Brest,
Have you feathered well your nest,
Do you sweetly take your rest;
Say, whom do you like the best—
COOK, or JENKS, or FULLERTON?
Would you, JOSH, believe it true,
At the moment, sir, when you
Waited for that verdict blue,
O'er the wires the message flew,
Paid or franked by BOUTWELL through:
"The gig is up; the cuss won't do.
Put the district Thirty-two
Under General PLEASANTON."
Oh! the vile ingratitude;
Of Statesmen in this latitude;
Worse than DELANO'S attitude.
Say, what is your longitude,
East or West from Washington?
"Fox"-y. FECHTER'S wig in HAMLET. "Echoes of the Clubs." SOUND of the policemen's batons on the sidewalk. Over and Under. INDIANA is said to be "going over" her divorce laws. She has certainly gone
long enough under them. Our Bullet-in. THE government has so many bad guns on hand that it deserves to be called,
"A snapper-up of unconsidered Rifles." Every Little Helps. THE British newspapers say that ARTHUR HELPS writes the PRINCE OF WALES'S
speeches. Now, if ARTHUR HELPS the Prince, who helps ARTHUR?
Mr. DRAKE, who has been studying elocution under a graduate of the Old
Bowery, and has acquired a most tragic croak, which, with a little rouge
and burnt cork, and haggard hair, gives him a truly awful aspect, remarked
that the soil of the South was clotted with blood by fiends in human shape,
(sensation in the diplomatic gallery.) The metaphor might be meaningless;
but it struck him it was strong. These fiends were doubly protected by
midnight and the mask. In his own State the Ku-Klux ranged together with
the fierce whang-doodle. His own life had been threatened. (Faint
applause.) He had received an express package marked in large letters,
"D.H." The President of the United States, an expert in express packages,
had told him this meant "Dead Head." Was this right? Hah! Bellud!! Gore was
henceforth his little game. He would die in his seat. (Great cheering,
which rendered the remainder of the senator's remarks inaudible.) The case of the admission of General AMES as a senator from Mississippi
came up. Senator CONKLING said that he had no objection to AMES in
particular; but in Brigadier-General, he considered the principle of
letting in men who elected themselves to be bad. Notoriously, General AMES
did not live in Mississippi. He considered this rather creditable to
General AMES'S good sense than otherwise. But did it not operate as a
trivial disqualification against his coming here to represent Mississippi?
Besides, if generals were allowed to elect themselves, where would it end?
General AUGUR, he believed, commanded the Indian district. He would send
himself to the Senate from that region, and be howling about the Piegan
massacre and such outrages upon his constituents, with which the Senate had
been sickened already. In that case AUGUR, he grieved to say, would be a
Bore. Then there is CANBY, who commands in Virginia. CANBY would like to be
a senator, no doubt, like other people who never tried it; and he will be
if he CANBY. A distinguished friend of his in the other house, whom it
would be detrimental to the public service for him to name, if this
military representation were to be recognized, instead of sitting for a
district in Massachusetts, would represent Dutch Gap. They had already, in
his friend from Missouri, a representative of the German Flats; and he
submitted that a member from Dutch Gap would be two tonic for the body
politic. Mr. HOWARD was in favor of the admission of AMES. He considered the
arguments of the last speaker paltry, and his puns beneath contempt. What
difference did it make whether AMES represented Mississippi or not?
Mississippi was disloyal, and didn't deserve to have any representative.
AMES was a good fellow, and a good officer. Besides, he had been through
West-Point and knew something. He understood he played a very fair game of
billiards, and he would be an ornament to the Senate. Let us let him in.
The Senate had already let in REVELS, who had been sent by AMES; and it was
absurd to keep out AMES, who was the master of the REVELS. He considered
that, in the language of a manly sport with which senators were familiar,
he "saw" Senator CONKLING'S puns, and went several better, though he did
not wish to be considered a better himself. All this time, singular to say, Senator SUMNER remained silent. HOUSE. The House had a little amusement over polygamy in Utah. That institution
shocks Mr. WARD, of New-York, and naturally also Mr. BUTLER, of
Massachusetts. Mr. WARD was astonished to see any member standing up in
defence of polygamy in the nineteenth century. If some member should stand
up in any other century and defend it, it would not astonish him at all. It
was sheer inhumanity to refuse to come to the rescue of our suffering
brethren in Utah. How a man who had one wife could consent to see fellow-
creatures writhing under the infliction of two or three each, was what, Mr.
WARD remarked, got over him. Mr. BUTLER pointed out how much money the
Mormons had made. Mr. Cox did not see why we should interfere by force to prevent a man's
marrying as many wives as he chose. Such a man was his own worst enemy; and
his crime carried its own punishment. Mr. HOOPER, of Utah, said the bill was an outrage. By all the wives that he
held most sacred, he felt impelled to resent it. MOSES was a polygamist;
hence his meekness. If this sort of thing was continued, no man's wives
would be safe. His own partners would be torn from him, and turned out upon
the world. He scorned to select from among them. Take all or none.