PHILADELVINGS.
"Mother! mother!" screamed a little girl from above stairs to her maternal parent in the parlor. "Mother, I've been crying ever so long, and HANNAH won't pacify me!" And now PUNCHINELLO notices that it is not only little girls who act in this charming manner; for the Hon. WILLIAM D. KELLEY, of Philadelphia, has just screamed over the Congressional banisters that he must be pacified, or he will no longer serve the good people of the Fourth District of Pennsylvania. Therefore some fifteen hundred of his constituents have written him a letter, and have said to him, "Dat he sall, de poo itty-witty darling-warling, have his placey-wacey as longey-wongey as he wants it, and the nasty- wasty one-legged soldiers sha'n't trouble him for situations any more, so they sha'n't." So the poor fellow straightens himself up, ceases his sobbing, and consents to.be pacified and take his three thousand a year for a little while longer. This may do very well for once in a while; but the Honorable WILLIAM D. announces that, not only does he desire to be pacified in regard to the people who expect him to get them situations, but that he wants to be with his family for more than six months in a year, and that his property affairs are a little mixed. Now, what if he should ask, next time, that his family shall be assigned apartments in the Capitol, and that he shall be put on the Grant Category, and be presented with an estate by his grateful constituents? And suppose he should declare that he would serve no more unless General LOGAN should be included among the number of those from whose importunities he is to be defended? The good Irish blood of WILLIAM D. has always boiled at the sound of the slogan, for it generally means fight, and he wants—pacifying. PUNCHINELLO respectfully presents his condolences to the people of the Fourth District of Pennsylvania, and hopes that they will have a happy time of it with WILLIAM D.
He has also noticed that the Philadelphians are having a lively and brotherly dispute over their new public buildings; they don't know where to put them. Most of the citizens are very much opposed to doing any thing on the square; that is to say, Independence Square, where the citizens assert their freedom by treading down all the grass, and making a mud-flat of what was intended to be a turfy lawn. Some folks want the buildings on PENN Square—so called because it is split in the middle, and answers its intended purposes only on paper. But the good Quakers hate to interfere with the rights of the blacks, whether they be men or women, and so many of the latter make this square their abiding place every summer, that it would seem like a violation of the spirit of the Fifteenth Amendment to disturb them. But there is no doubt that the good Philadelphians will have their new buildings some day, for they are very enterprising. Witness the disposition of one of their leading men, "Slushy" SMITH by name, who wants fifty thousand dollars with which to open an avenue from the Delaware to Sixth street, basing his claims upon the fact that such avenue will lead to Fairmount Park! Now, as the nearest point of the park is two miles and a half from Sixth street, the vigor of the scheme and the foreseeing character of the projectors are worthy of a metropolis.
PUNCHINELLO is furthermore delighted to see that a son of PENN has decided the great question of the Pope's infallibility, which so vexes our OEcumenical fellow-creatures. POPE has been beheaded at Harrisburg, and of course there is no further need to discuss his infallibility. When a man loses his head, he is fallible. To be sure, the case was only one of a picture of GRANT and his Generals, which hung in the State Library, and in which POPE'S head was painted out, and Governor GEARY'S substituted; but the act shows, on the part of the adherents of the leaden-legged governor, a head-strong determination to proceed to extremities which has given rise to the gravest apprehensions; but PUNCHINELLO hopes for the best. It is expected that the Legislature will soon compel the inhabitants of the City of Fraternites to send their children to school, whether they like it or not. This is certainly progression, and PUNCHINELLO now looks confidently forward to a law compelling all Philadelphians to wash their pavements twice a day; to have white marble front-steps (without railings) to all their houses; to build said houses entirely of red brick, with green shutters; to make their sidewalks of similar bricks, laid unevenly, to agitate passers-by and so prevent dyspepsia, and that each house shall have at least one little gutter running over its pavement.
"Lost at Sea."
BOUCICAULT when he wrote the play.