LETTER FROM A FRIEND.
FRIEND PUNCHINELLO:
Thee is right welcome; but thee should look upon this as a city of Friends, and not place it in thy wicked pages, but rather in thy Good Books—all the more since thee claims to exalt the good things pertaining to pen and pencil, and this is the great City of Penn and Pennsylvania.
If thee should come this way next summer, to ruralize, thee might behold our swollen Schuylkill, and say, Enough! Thee might see our City Fathers, and say, Good! Doubtless thee has heard of our butter? Well, thee might then taste it, and also say, Good!—if thee likes. It is cheap. Thee will understand me, friend, that it is cheap to say "Good" and good to say "Cheap."
If thee will but talk "plain language," thee may circulate freely in our streets, and behold our horses and dogs rubbing noses against the fountains; nay, refreshing themselves thereat by the sight and sound of little water!
Cruelty to Animals is Prevented—but thee knows this; for has thee not thy BERGH? Thee does with one BERGH, but we have two—Pittsburg and Harrisburg—and, moreover, a proverb which says, "Every man thinketh his own goose a SWANN" If thee needs, we can spare thee Harrisburg, and trust to the laws of Providence.
But, friend PUNCHINELLO, if thee comes here, thee must be careful what thee does. If thee does nothing, thee may be restrained. Thrift accords not with idleness.
We permit none but official corner loungers and "dead beats;" and, having a very FOX for a Mayor—whose police are sharp as steel traps—thee comes into danger, unless thee be a Repeater. True, thee might disguise thyself in liquor and—as friend Fox taketh none—escape.
This epistle is written out of kindly regard for thee, and because the Spirit moveth me to wish thee well and a long life; although thee may not live long enough to behold our new Public Buildings, the site of which no man living can foresee.
I remain, thine in peace,
PHINEAS BHODBRIMME,
PHILADELPHIA, 3d Month, 29th, 1870. Mulberry Street.
Consolation for Contemplated Changes in the Cabinet.
There are as good Fish in the sea as ever were caught.
Revels in the President's Mansion.
The Black man in the White house.
Nothing Like Leather.
A leather-dealer in the "Swamp" writes to us, asking whether we cannot administer a good leathering to the prowlers who infest that district at night. We don't know. Had rather not interfere. Suppose the poor thieves find good Hiding-places there. Let the leatherist guard his premises with a good-sized Black—and tan.
"Raising Cain."
The Southern papers announce that cane-planting is generally finished, which is more than can be said in this section, where it looks as though the cane was about to usurp the place of the pen. We are not surprised, however, to be informed that not half as much cane has been planted in the South this year as there was last season, owing to the fact, no doubt, that the Government has gone into the business of "raising Cain" so extensively in that section.
Good for a "Horse Laugh."
What is the difference between the leading equestrienne at the Circus and ROSA BONHEUR?
The one is known as the "Fair Horsewoman;" the other, as the "Horse Fair Woman."
A Drawn Battle.
Any fight that gets into the illustrated papers.
A Suggestion.
It is proposed to transport passengers by means of the pneumatic tunnel. In view of the dampness of this subterranean way, would it not be proper to call it the Rheumatic tunnel?