Dog Days.
Kind Lady (to tramp)—That coat you have on is pretty well worn out, isn't it?
Tramp—Yes, madame, I fear it has gone to the dogs.
—Clothier and Furnisher.
Although people do not like a tumble, they generally appreciate a fall in the mountains.
—Boston Gazette.
There is no experience more heavily fraught with deep ghastly lonesomeness than that of being shaved by a deaf-and-dumb barber.
—Washington Star.
Mrs. Gabb—What is the matter with my husband?
Doctor—Nothing, except that he needs change. I prescribe opiates and rest.
Mrs. Gabb—Shall I give him the opiates at once?
Doctor—Oh, the opiates are not for him; they are for you.
—Once a Week.
The fact that diamonds are rapidly increasing in price is pleasing news to the Glass Trust.
—N. Y. World.
Bucket-shops are so called, apparently, because they carry in a pail the same goods which the bigger exchanges carry in hogsheads.
—Albany Times.