The Firm Schoolmistress.
Firm Schoolmarm—You children must behave yourselves. I'll go wild if you don't. Jimmie Smith, stop cutting that desk. (Jimmie does not stop.) I'll put your knife in the fire if you don't. Never mind; I am going to write a note to your father.
Jimmie—Don't care if you do.
Schoolmarm—Don't talk to me that way. Put up that knife this very instant, or I'll box your ears. (Starts towards him.) Never mind, sir (taking her seat), I'm going to tell your mother.
Jimmie—Don't care if you do.
Schoolmarm—Don't you talk to me that way. Never mind, sir, I'm going to keep you in after school. Will Brown, you must not eat in school. Willie, Willie Brown. Never mind, sir. I'm going to tell your father.
Willie—Ain't got no father.
Schoolmarm—Well, I'll tell your mother.
Willie—Ho, she won't do nothin' but scold me.
Schoolmarm—Then I'll whip you myself. Bobbie Guns, go out and get me a switch.
Bob—Bill might hit me after school.
Schoolmarm—I never saw the like in my life. If you all don't stop making such a noise my head will split open. All of you, except Jimmie Smith, may go now. Jimmie, don't you go out of this house. Jimmie, Jimmie. Well, then, go on, you good-for-nothing thing. No, I won't kiss you. Go on away, I won't. Well, then (kissing him), I'll kiss you this once. Don't you put your dirty little arms around my neck. Oh, look, you have mussed my hair. You little rascal (hugging him), I can't help loving you.
—Liverpool Post.