The Trouble she gives the Receiving Teller.
"I've got $10," says she, "and I want to open an account."
"With pleasure, madam. What is your name?"
"Simpkins."
"Christian name, please."
"Sophronisba."
"Any middle name?"
"Katherine."
"What is your age, please?"
"That's none of your business."
"Pardon me, madame, it is the rule of the bank to make these inquiries. I cannot go on without these inquiries. It is as necessary for your own protection as ours."
"Thirty-five, then."
"Are you married or single?"
"Now, look here, mister, you are impertinent. Do I look married? I'd like to see the man who'd marry me if he dared."
"Shall I write married or single? Be as quick as you can, please."
"Single, then. And, as I said, if you think——"
"Residence?"
"Right here in the city."
"Quite so, but the street and number, please."
"That's nothing to do with it. I don't want you to call, and if you dare to send a police to see——"
"What is the place and number?"
"Thirteen —— place. But I never saw anything like this in all my born——"
"Where were you born——"
"Same place, if you want to know."
"Have you an occupation?"
"Now see here. I suppose you want to know where I got this money. But I didn't steal it, if that's any satisfaction to you. Of course I——"
"What did you say your occupation is?"
"I didn't say; you didn't give me a chance. I keep the best boarding house in the town; meats three times day, and——"
"Please sign your name on this line."
"Sign my name? Don't you believe me? I never sign anything, only——"
"Very well, if you can't write, make your cross."
"Make me cross? That's just it, you make me so cross I can't. Sophronisba Katherine Simpkins. There."
"That will do. Kindly make way for the next person."
"Oh, but mister, look here. What have you got it?"
"Got what?"
"The age."
"Thirty-five."
"Does it make any difference if it ain't right?"
"It might make a serious difference."
"Oh, dear! Oh, dear, I've gone and perjured myself. But it's all your fault, you horrid man, you flustered me so. Did I say thirty-five? I didn't mean it. It's forty-five, so there."
And away she goes in a state of great indignation and perplexity.
—Burlington Hawkeye.