CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR.
Christmas comes but once a year;
By Jove! it hadn't need come more,
Unless it wants to ruin me
Outright, and turn me out of door!
That horrid fit of gout, brought on
By neighbour Guzzle's Christmas cheer
I thought it would have kill'd me quite;
But Christmas comes but once a year.
I very seldom touch a card,
For gambling's not at all my sphere;
I wish I hadn't played last night!
But Christmas comes but once a year.
In drinking, I'm most moderate:
Oh! my poor head: oh, dear! oh, dear!
Why did I taste that nasty punch?
But Christmas comes but once a year.
I do not often play the fool,
And join in romps with younger folks;
But where's the stoic can resist
When pretty lips so sweetly coax?
"Come, nunks, one game at Blindman's-buff;
There, turn round roast beef—never fear!"
A nice lumbago I have got;
But Christmas comes but once a year.
I'm rather fond of gardening,
And curious plants delight to rear:
The best, my mistletoe, is gone;
But Christmas comes but once a year.
The tree that on my natal day
Was planted by my father dear—
The holly-tree—is stripped quite bare;
But Christmas comes but once a year.
My kinsfolks—cousins, nephews, aunts,
All come to dine on Christmas day;
It's been the custom many years
(Which Heaven forbid should fall away):
But scarcely had they all arrived,
When down the snow came, dull and drear—
So deep, not one can get away;
But Christmas comes but once a year.
Of course it's very nice indeed
To have one's kindred thus around;
And hear one's old paternal walls
With song, and dance, and mirth resound.
But, then, they've taken all the beds:
And lying on two chairs, oh! dear;
Up in a garret—where there's rats—
But Christmas comes but once a year.
The London gentlemen I met
At Drury-lane, when last in town,
Have writt'n to say, if all goes right,
By this day's train they're coming down.
I know I was a leetle sprung
That night, and by their note it's clear,
I've asked them all five to my house:
But Christmas comes but once a year.
My wife, in honour of the time,
Would have a friendly Christmas ball;
They've danced a hole right through the floor,
And ruined quite the party wall.
And daughter Ann has fall'n in love
With some poor dev'l, not worth, I hear
Enough to pay the parson's fee;
But Christmas comes but once a year.
The servants, too, must have their rout
(I love to see them gay and glad);
But then they needn't all have got
So very drunk—and very mad;
And give one warning "then and there,"
And bid me "take my beef and beer;"
And beg I'd "pay their wages up:"—
But Christmas comes but once a year.
The Christmas bills are pouring in,
My family's increasing fast;
Four girls, five boys—Ann, Kate, Jane, Sue,
Tom, Dick, Jack, Fred, and Prendergast:
And nurse has just come in to say,
Another "little stranger" dear
Is just arrived—there, that makes ten:—
But Christmas comes but once a year.