OPERATION OF THE NEW POOR LAWS.

A man in the last stage of destitution came before the sitting magistrate at Lambeth Street, and stated, that having by the operation of the New Poor Laws been suddenly deprived of parish assistance, he was reduced to such extremity, that, if not instantly relieved, he must be driven to do a deed that his soul abhorred. The worthy magistrate instantly ordered him five shillings from the poor-box, and after a suitable admonition against giving way to despair, asked him what dreadful deed he would have been impelled to but for this seasonable relief? "To work!" said the man, with a deep sigh, as he left the office.

JULY.
Two potent elements combine
To rule the month together,
St. Swithin gives us showers of rain,
The mad dogs, biting weather.
And if you get a dubious gripe
From Pincher, Snap, or Toby,
The good saint's bucket comes right
To test the Hydro-phoby.
D.Great Events and Odd Matters.Prognostifications.
1
Doth not
2
many
3Dog Days beg.
a Benedick
4"Old Mother Hubbard
♋ ☍ ♐
5  Went to the cupboard,
know
6    To get her poor dog a bone."
right well
7
8 ♏ ♈ ♎ ♉
9HOW TO MAKE A MAD DOG.that a
10By a Knowing Hand.cloudy
11Tie a dog that is little, and one that is large,brow
To a truck or a barrow as big as a barge;
12Their mouths girded tight with a rugged old cord (or♄ ⚹ ♒
They'll put out their tongues) by the magistrate's order;
13So you save 'em the trouble of feeding, I think,
Or the loss of your time by their stopping to drink.on the
14Lend 'em out, 'tis a neighbourly duty, of course,
And mind they've a load that would stagger a horse.aspect of
15If you've nothing to draw, why, yourselves let 'em carry (sons
Of she dogs!), or else they'll be drawing compari-sons.his dear
16With a stick or a kick make 'em gallop away,
And smoke through the streets in a piping-hot day,
17Where Mac Adam is spreading his pebbles about,☌ ♈
And they'll pick up their feet all the quicker, no doubt;
18More than all, don't allow them their noses to wet;—itbetokeneth
Will keep 'em alert by the "wish they may get it."
19All pleasures must end:—when they drop head and tail,cool
With their muzzles all froth, like a tankard of ale,
20Turn 'em loose in the road with a whoop and a hollo,breezes,
And get all the thieves and the blackguards to follow.
21It's a precious good lark for the neighbours, you'll find,☍ ♈ ♀ ⚹
With the mad dogs before and the sad dogs behind,
22And you'll ne'er be molested, rely on my word,probably
If you keep 'em from biting a Bishop or Lord.
23 followed by
24 a storm,
25
♋ ☊ ♅
26
accompanied
27
with
28
showers?
29
30 ♊ ♄ ☌ ☽
31Second week of St. Swithin. Ladies sigh for "a little sun."And that.

JULY.—Fancy Fair.

FANCY-FAIRING.
"ONLY FANCY!"

I saw her at the Fancy Fair:

'Twas there my heart she won

Within the sweet, romantic grounds

Of Mr. Jenkinson.

Her ma-in-law stood by her side,

Also her aunt Griselda;

Who all the younger brothers served,

While "Missy" served the elder.

To cure Diseases of the Ear,

They say they've oped the mart:

But I think it's to propagate

Diseases of the heart.

I thought I'd buy a pair of gloves,

To get a bit of talk;

Her lily hands presented them,

A pair as white as chalk.

Then, feeling for the cash to pay,

"Oh law," says I, "I'm trick'd!"—

"Dear! what's the matter, Sir?" said she;

Said I, "My pocket's pick'd!

But never mind—I'll just step home,

Some other cash to find."—

"I reckon so!" cried some pert wag

Among the crowd behind.

To show I meant to come again,

Said I, "Miss, may I beg

My umbrella and cloak to hang

Two minutes on this peg?"

"Oh yes!" said she; and off I flew

To fetch my pocket-book;

Then hasten'd back, and out of it

A five-pound note I took.

"Pray give me change, dear Miss," said I;

"For I no more can find."—

"I vishes you may get it, Sir!"

Cried out the voice behind.

The people laughed: the lady smiled

(I thought it rather strange);

Then popp'd my note into a box,

And said, "We never change!"

I soon found what an ass I'd been

To trust in pretty features.

Thinks I,—well, this is the last time

I'll deal with these dear creatures.

Since then I've learn'd that tricks like these

Are thought quite meritorious,

And that for boning five-pound notes

These dames are quite note-orious.

Says I, "Dear Miss, such barefaced cheats

Are really past a joke;

So give me my umbrella, ma'am—

And give me, ma'am, my cloak.

"Not that I care—of course, I don't—

For losing so much gold!"—

"Your cloak and your umbrella, Sir!

Oh la! they've both been sold!"

At that I lost my patience quite;

My rage I couldn't smother.

"Good heav'ns!" I cried, "the last dear gifts

Of a lamented mother!"

I rav'd and stamp'd, and think I swore.

Cried Miss, "For heaven's sake, cease!"

And then she gave me—heartless girl!—

In charge of the police.

To prison soon they haul'd me off,

With pushes, shoves, and jolts;

And soon I found Dame Justice' bars

Were worse than Cupid's bolts.

Now all who read my sad mishaps,

Of nymphs like these beware!

For oh! there's many a real cheat

Found at a fancy fair.

And if you want your money's worth,

With honest traders barter;

For if to marts like these you go,

You'll surely be a martyr.

AUGUST.—Regatta.

AUGUST.
The postboys clatter to the door,
Whips cracking and spurs pricking;
The hero who went up at four
Came down at five, alive and kicking.
Below is a special communication
From a private source, to inform the nation.
D.Great Events and Odd Matters.Prognostifications.
1Charles X. abdic. 1830. New issue of Sovereigns.
if he would
2
look for
3THE BALLOON ASCENT.
sunshine,
4"Only threepence more, and up goes the Donkey."
♅ ♀ ♌
5Dear Captain! let me thank my lucky fate
That brings me safe and sound through every strait,he must,
6And when my rebel subjects tipp'd me over,
Placed between them and me the Straits of Dover:ungrudgingly
7On terra firma I've at length alighted,
More dead than living, tho' less hurt than frighted,and
8And strike me ugly—that I swear quite plain,
I'll never venture in the air again.obediently,
9To let me go the varlets scarce were willing
As long as they could show me for a shilling:—
10At last however all was right and handy,♃ ♂ ⊕
By Madame's wondrous skill and—drops of brandy;
11And while my cheeks with glowing rouge were spread,acquiesce
'Tis false to say the white usurp'd the red.
12Then as we mounted in the clear blue sky,in and
The Queen's own private Aëronaute and I,
13A field of handkerchiefs waved full in view,accede to
Dirty and clean, silk, cotton, black and blue;
14And while the huge machine majestic rose,
I gazed on many an elevated nose,♊ ♀
15And heard, and wrote it down, with great surprise,
A man in spectacles exclaim "my eyes!"all her
16Just as we threw the sand-bags quickly o'er,
And rose so high that I could hear no more.modest
17So being fairly out of mortal ken,
The fair one said, "We'll soon come down again."requirements?
18Too soon—for while I turn'd myself around,
Balloon and car came spinning to the ground:
19The earth received my nob—too thick to split—♈ ☿ ♏
The lady fell on—what she thought most fit.
20I gallop'd off as fast as steeds could fly;when, and
To bed she posted quickly, there—to lie.
21 not before,
22
☉ ☽ ♑
23
he may
24
reasonably
25
26Fête Champêtre. Field-fare arrive.☊ ⚹ ♀
27 expect
28 fair weather
29 to the
30 end of the
31Jews banished England, 1290. "New Way to Pay Old Debts."month.