PROCEEDINGS OF LEARNED SOCIETIES.

At the Philosophical Institution, held at the Pig and Tinder Box, in Liquorpond Street, a letter was read by Sawney Suck-Egg, Esq., on the possibility of extending the realms of space, and adding to the duration of eternity. In the same essay, he also satisfactorily proved, that two and too do not make four; that Black is very often white; and that a Chancery suit has shewn to many a man, that what has a beginning does not necessarily always have an end.

A new mode of raising the wind was also communicated to this society by Jeremy Diddler, Esq.; a very useful invention for broken-down gamblers, ruined spendthrifts, insolvent tradesmen, and 'Change Alley waddlers.

Geological Society of Hog's Norton.—The fossil remains of an antediluvian pawnbroker have been dug up, within a mile of this place. This is not regarded as a very remarkable circumstance, as many recent instances have been known of the hearts of several persons of this class being in a petrified state while alive.

A successful method of converting stones into bread has been transmitted to the New Poor Law Commissioners, and a three-and-sixpenny medal presented to the ingenious discoverer thereof.

Zoological Society at Hookem Snivey.—A new animal has been transmitted from No-Man's Land, which has been named the Flat-Catcher. It bears some resemblance to the human species, as it walks on two legs, and has the gift of speech. It seems quite in its element when among pigeons, and preys ravenously on the gulls that hover about watering-places, getting hold of them by a kind of fascination, which throws its unconscious victims entirely off their guard, when it never fails to make them bleed profusely; after which, it suffers them to depart.

A laborious investigator has discovered that there are exactly nine millions, one hundred and sixty-four thousand, five hundred and thirty-three hairs on a tom-cat's tail, which he defies all the zoologists in Europe to disprove. He also maintains that a bull sees with its horns, and a rat with its tail, although he admits the possibility of their doing so without them.

It was stated at the last meeting of this institution, that one of its members had observed a tremendous water-spout from one of the plugs in Thames Street; and sensible shocks of an earthquake had been felt at Puddle-dock.

Society of Antiquaries.—Among the antiquities presented at the last meeting, was one of Cleopatra's corns, and the celebrated Needle with which she darned her hose; also, a gas-pipe, found at Herculaneum, and the fragment of a steam-carriage, dug out of the ruins of Palmyra.

Entomological Society in Grub Street.—A very animated conversation took place on the natural history of the flea, involving many curious conjectures, such as, whether it had ever been known to have attained the size of the elephant; whether it was of the same species with the hog-in-armour and the rhinoceros, or was to be classed among the Jumpers; how high and how often it leaped; whether it always looked before it leaped; and whether it leaped highest in Leap Year; the farther discussion of all which queries was deferred till the said Leap Year.

The Horticultural Society of Seven Dials has been presented, by the Society of Antiquaries, with the identical pumpkin converted by the fairy into Cinderella's chariot.

Premiums have been awarded by various learned bodies to the following:—

To Henry Broom, for the application of the crab motion, and the "do-as-little-as-possible" principle, to the state engine.—To Lord Durham, in conjunction with the above, for an improved mode of progression for the said engine, namely, by each pulling the opposite way.—To Signor Paganini, for an improved mode of extracting gold from catgut scrapings, and of skinning flints.—To Miss Harriet Martineau, for a new preventive check-string for the regulation of the fare (fair).—To the proprietor of Morison's Pills for the discovery of the perpetual motion.—To the Society for the Confusion of Useful Knowledge, for their successful endeavours in be-Knight-ing the public intellect.

JUNE.

1835.]		JUNE.

		Of all the folks, this month you'll see,
		The DAYS are the longest family;
		But the gallant Ross, in polar weather,
		Met one as long as six Months together.
M	Season's	Odd Matters.	WEATHER.
D	Signs.
1	Quarter		Look for
		Rigdum Funnidos transcribeth
2	day	the following seasonable story from	♈ ☿ ♍ ♀ ♑
		the lucubrations of his defunct friend,
3	rent	Poor Humphrey.	summer

4	to		weather
		HOW TO KILL FLEAS.
5	pay		♅ ☊ ♌
		A notable Projector became notable by
6	afraid	one project only, which was a certain	about
		specific for the killing of Fleas;
7	to stay	and it was in form of a powder, and	♄ ☌ ☽ ♏
		sold in papers, with
8	bolt	plain directions for use, as	this time;
		followeth: The flea was to be held,
9	away	conveniently, between the	⚹ ♀ ♈ ♐ ♎
		fore-finger and thumb of the left
10	come	hand; and to the end of the trunk or	that is
		proboscis, which protrudeth in the
11	too	flea, somewhat as the elephant's	to say,
		doth, a very small quantity of the
12	soon	powder was to be put from between	♌ ♑
		the thumb and finger of the right
13	cash	hand. And the inventor undertook,	somewhat
		that if any flea to whom his powder
14	affairs	was so administered should prove to
		have afterwards bitten a purchaser	♉ ♋ ☋ ♅
15	are	who used it, then that such
		purchaser should have another paper	warm,
16	out of	of the said powder, gratis. And it
		chanced that the first paper thereof	♃ ♂ ⊕
17	tune	was bought, idly as it were, by an
		old woman; and she, without meaning	perhaps
18	shoot	to injure the inventor or his
		remedy, but of her mere	hot,
19	the	harmlessness, did, innocently as it
		were, ask him whether, when she had
20	moon	caught the flea, and after she had	☍ ♈ ♀ ⚹ ♊
		got it as before described, if she
21	we	should crack it upon her nail, it	or
		would not be as well. Whereupon the
22	fly	ingenious projector was so	perchance
		dumbfounded by the question, that,
23	by	not knowing what to answer on the	it may be
		sudden, he said, with truth, to this
24	night	effect, that, without doubt, her way	coolish;
		would do, too.	♊ ♀
25	rapid
			and if
26	flight
			it raineth
27	very
			not,
28	quickly
			it will
29	out of
			be dry.
30	sight