THE OXFORD ARMS.
Deer Suzan,
I set up all Knigt to set down to rite u a bout a horrit deed that has put all the grate Law yers to work, and has been a drawin Thiers from the Nayshuns hies. It is a shock King crime, no less than a shoot in at the Queen. The assassin-hating will-in was quite in low life—nort but a pot-boy! (not as that is any dis-a-peerage-ment; for I here there is Potts a arch deecon, and Fill pots a Bishup;) but he did not ware his best to go before her Mad-jest-i, but own lie his work-a-day close, which I think was tatterd and torne, for I hurd mast her say he went there with ragged Side intenshuns. One thing is de-litefull to no, that the Queen got off as well as the pistoll, witch the will-in tuk. From the way he prescented the weppon, it is thort he is one of the leveling classes, though it is won-durd what his aim could be. Sum say he wos like Sir Wall-ter scots True Bar door,
"Burn-in with luv—to fire for fame;"
which I cant see, as that true bar door came "beneath his lades windo;" but this pot-boy went into the O pen park, and turn'd the Queen quite pail, a shoot in thru the pail-ings! The Public in dig Nashun nose no bounds: the Public Houses of the People, with their benches and their bar, are to Congrat tulerate the Queen on her he scape from the pot-boy. He was a errand will-in; and as he was tuk in one Park, i understand he is to be tried by another, wot is as good a Judge as he. His name is oxford, and a hug lie feller he is, tho no feller, I am tolld, of the Oxford wot has a call edge on the banks of the Ices, which is a river, you No, and, I spoze, is all ways froze. They say the grand jury cant help find in a true Bill aginst him, which reminds me of my own true Bill, who lives with farm her Constant. Give my luv to him, and all so kep it for yourself; and so for the present good buy. Yours till deth,
Carry Line.
A Bacon Frier.
11. Bacon died. 1294.
A con about Ba-con.
"Why is a good cook like a Student of Philosophy?"
Because she has long been accustomed to fry her bacon.
Bacon's a bygone, for him I don't care,
More than girls care for school when they're out of their teens;
Don't call him a bygone—of Bacon I swear,
It's more proper to class him among the has-beans.
19. Queen Victoria's Accession.
As once our Queen succeeded to the throne,
Setting her people all to merry-makings;
So may she not succeed to that alone,
But eke succeed in all her undertakings!
AN UNDERTAKER.
Pray, sir, what has been your largest undertaking in life?
Why, I once took ten shillings in the pound on a debt of ten thousand, and that was the largest undertaking I ever had.