1. INDEPENDENCE OF A MONOPOLY
[A good illustration of complete independence. It can be used as a humorous description of a monopoly or as a compliment to a man who has complete control of his own affairs.]
An inquisitive passenger on a railroad recently had the following dialogue:
"Do you use the block system on this road?" inquired the passenger.
"No, sir," replied the conductor, "we have no use for it."
"Do you use the electric or pneumatic signals?"
"No, sir."
"Have you a double track?"
"No."
"Well, of course, you have a train dispatcher, and run all trains by telegraph?"
"No."
"I see you have no brakeman. How do you flag the rear of your train if you are stopped from any cause between stations?"'
"We don't flag."
"Indeed! What a way to run a railroad! A man takes his life in his hand when he rides on it. This is criminally reckless!"
"See here, mister! If you don't like this railroad you can get off and walk. I am president of this road and its sole owner. I am also board of directors, treasurer, secretary, general manager, superintendent, paymaster, trackmaster, general passenger agent, general freight agent, master mechanic, ticket agent, conductor, brakeman, and boss. This is the Great Western Railroad of Kentucky, six miles long, with termini at Harrodsburg and Harrodsburg Junction. This is the only train on the road of any kind, and ahead of us is the only engine. We never have collisions. The engineer does his own firing, and runs the repair shop and round-house all by himself. He and I run this railway. It keeps us pretty busy, but we've always got time to stop and eject a sassy passenger. So you want to behave yourself and go through with us, or you will have your baggage set off here by the haystack!"