29. THE TOAST OF THE EVENING
[The comment upon this incident by the editor is not less amusing than the speech.]
It is not always a pleasant thing to be called upon suddenly to address a public meeting of any sort, as is amusingly illustrated by the following speech at the opening of a free hospital by one who was certainly not born an orator:
"Gentlemen—ahem—I—I—I rise to say—that is, I wish to propose a toast, which I think you'll all say—ahem—I think, at least, that this toast is, as you'll say, the toast of the occasion. Gentlemen, I belong to a good many of these things, and I say, gentlemen, that this hospital requires no patronage—at least, what I mean is, you don't want any recommendation. You've only got to be ill—got to be ill."
"Now, gentlemen, I find by the report" (turning over the leaves in a fidgety way) "that from the year seventeen—no eighteen—no, ah, yes, I'm right—eighteen hundred and fifty—no, it's a '3'—thirty-six—eighteen hundred and thirty-six, no less than one hundred and ninety-three millions—no! ah!" (to a committeeman at his side) "Eh? oh, yes, thank you—yes—one hundred and ninety-three thousand—two millions—no" (after a close scrutiny at the report) "two hundred and thirty-one—one hundred and ninety-three thousand, two hundred and thirty-one! Gentlemen, I beg to propose—success to this admirable institution!"
To what the large and variously stated figures referred no one in the audience ever felt positive, but all agreed, as he had said they would, that this was the toast of the evening.