Especially, in this connection, would I warn my female friends against the vice of Detraction. There are those, who find pleasure in repeating what they hear of the sins of a neighbor. If a misfortune befall another, it is made food for calumny. Her adversity is made the occasion of intruding on her most private concerns, and exposing them to the world. Compassion is expressed, and yet in a tone that betrays a secret exultation. Faults are descried and magnified; no sympathy is felt for the sufferer, but a vulgar curiosity bruits the ill-natured rumor, and many hearts must hence bleed in their unseen solitude.
How easily may a few words, spoken concerning an enemy, or a rival, kindle a village into flames. Recklessness may prompt speeches, full of mistatements, wounding the fame of another, which a life may be insufficient entirely to correct. The young woman must set herself resolutely in opposition to this practice. If she once form the habit of selecting the errors of others of her sex for her usual topic of discourse, time may make it like the change of the leopard’s spots, if she ever thoroughly reform. A light word, a breath, may so scatter the Sybil’s leaves, that no human power can again reduce them to order.
A most dangerous weapon, when employed by one of this sex against a sister, is Ridicule. Not only does it rob her who indulges it of the rich joys of admiration, but it poisons the depths of her own spirit, and breaks the peace of her associates. Few are they, who have not some foible or personal defect, on which this vice may fix itself. One is an object of taunts for her ignorance; another for a plain face; a third for an impediment in her speech; and how many suffer this infliction for some article of dress proscribed by that mistress called fashion. Too often are we reminded of the fabulous Melusina, to-day, a theme of wonder, for her grace and eloquence, to-morrow, a loathsome reptile, with a tongue full of scorpion stings. How does every attraction we feel toward her, who was framed with powers of speech to obey the highest law of God, wither, as flax in the flames, when the lips thus breathe desolation around them. The eye of the eagle is there piercing all depths by its intelligence; but the soaring wing of that bird is wanting.
It is the office of woman, her high privilege indeed,
| “To heal and pacify distempered spirits.” |
Can she then sufficiently dread and shun dissensions with her own sex? Allow that an associate has reached that eminence, which you could not attain, be it in learning, affection, or fortune. Will you foster toward her a spirit of animosity? Is there one of this sex alive to the noble capacities of her nature, that can descend so low, as to seek redress for fancied or real injustice, by girding on the armor of retaliation and resentment? Remember Jesus, and you will bow to the wrongdoer meekly, magnanimously.
Nor should our young friend yield to a disposition to Flatter her favorites, any sooner than one to depreciate a rival. We may praise another simply to gain a return in kind. Or we may do it thoughtlessly, and by impulse. In each of these cases, we not only injure her by inflating her vanity, but wrong our own souls. Nor are all commendations right, which spring from a desire to gratify others. Ill-timed or excessive praise often does serious evil. It is only that which is just, rational, and moderate, that we should bestow on a friend. Avoid flattery; express precisely the approbation you feel, professing no affection you do not possess, and promising no fidelity, that circumstances may forbid you to manifest, and you will then speak the words due to merit, perfectly free from falsity, and acceptable in the sight of God.
To speak now of the positive view of our subject, I would name a few virtues and graces, of primary concern in a young woman’s intercourse with society.
There should be Gentleness of Manner. In this term we include not simply external appearances, though these are of no trivial importance. If manner impress and accomplish much in the sterner sex, as we all have felt, it is in the other, almost omnipotent. Dr. Bowring informs us that, in his recent travels in the East, he found the Samaritan, Syrian, and all Mussulman, ladies were accustomed to veil themselves in public. He was asked whether “the English women were so immodest as to walk out with uncovered faces?” Thus highly are gentleness and modesty prized by the heathen. Should they be less so by us? What object more revolting than a coarse and rude woman? In such we expect,—and we are seldom disappointed,—to find a rough character, a destitution of the gentle spirit of goodness and Christ. Will not one of this class flame against her dress-maker, if some point of fashion be violated by her? Must we not fear that animal impulse will control her actions? I recommend no courtly airs, no studying of gesture, or look. But I must think that, simplicity, freedom from pretence and affectation, modesty, self-possession, escaping both reserve and boldness, and a perfectly frank, truth-speaking manner, are deserving the culture of every female, who seeks the true adorning, and who would give pleasure, and do good, to others. Octavia was none the less marked by a Roman severity of virtue, because gentleness and grace shone through her bearing. Neither is the Christian woman the more pious, for an utter disregard of the courtesies of life.
But lest some should misinterpret these remarks, I will add that there must be grace at heart. Kind Feelings, or the most accomplished manners are but a splendid hypocrisy.