The Young Maiden

by A. B. Muzzey

Marriage is not seldom regarded as “our being’s end and aim;” hence a young woman is often filled with a feverish anxiety to form this connection, or at least to enter on its preliminaries, at an early period of her life. We believe there are thousands, who never so much as ask themselves the question, “Is it certain that I must be married, or be miserable?” No, they assume that in one condition only can they be happy, and in that, therefore, let what may betide them, they must centre their every hope of coming peace.

Now I believe this impression to be erroneous; and so disastrous are its consequences, that it should be removed from the mind of every girl who entertains it. God has not left woman but one alternative in this respect. Marriage is the general lot of her sex. It is productive of joys and blessings peculiar to itself. But not always, not of necessity. There may be, and there doubtless often is, great suffering in this connection. No small share of this might be ultimately traced to the fact that so many form this tie under the belief that they must be married; that all which concerns them is to ascertain who the individual is, in whose hands they must place their whole earthly destiny.

But although Providence did intend woman, in all ordinary cases, to enter the marriage state, yet precisely as much did He design some of this sex to remain single. He made all for the sake of character, usefulness, and happiness. Every institution he appointed was to be instrumental to the production of these three grand objects. Hence woman was not made for marriage; but marriage for woman. If in any instance it shall appear that her improvement will probably be retarded by her entering that state, or her usefulness less extensive, or her happiness evidently sacrificed, then is it manifest that she belongs to the class of exceptions. It is her duty to continue unmarried. So that it is not simply a choice among many suitors, with the necessity of selecting or accepting some one of them, that is given her, but the whole subject is to be seriously pondered. If, after doing this, she is convinced that no individual has offered her particular attentions, whose character promises to enhance her virtue, usefulness, or happiness, then should she calmly resolve,—let the decision be painful, as it may, and perhaps must be,—that she will remain, under present prospects, through life, as she is.

But the reproach of being an “old maid,” how can she endure this? I answer, let her not, in the first place, unduly magnify this reproach. I know that certain charges are preferred against “old maids,” as this class are ignominiously termed, which do much to strengthen the impression just spoken of. They are said to possess an inordinate curiosity. Addison, like many others, alleges that old maids are given to credulity, and pours on them, for this reason, contempt and raillery. They are accused of disgusting affectation, of pretending to youth, to censorial importance, and to an exquisite sensibility. Finally, it is said, that they are notorious for envy, and ill-nature, being match-breakers, because themselves unmarried. Let these charges be destitute as they may of foundation, they doubtless impel many females to the determination that they must and will escape this terrific condition.

But there is no portion of the community, whose opinion we should value, that will esteem a female the less for being in that condition where Providence has clearly placed her. It is not true that single ladies are usually despised, or subject to ridicule. Those who do suffer these things, have usually brought them upon themselves by a deportment, which might have been shunned.

Some have been derided for their excessive Reservedness of manner, for never permitting one of the opposite sex to address them, even indirectly, or scarcely to exchange a word with them. What else can the prude anticipate, or reasonably require, than that she be an object of reproach, if not of ridicule, for obstinately adhering to a manner that must result in her perpetual singleness of life? If she debar all access to herself, except from her own sex, misinterpret every word and all intimations of, and thus insulate herself from, any special acquaintance with any gentleman, let her bear the consequences without a syllable of discontent. A morbid sensitiveness, in reference to all such company, must, in most cases, seal one’s doom.

Perhaps a young maiden takes the opposite extreme. In her anxiety to fulfil what she deems her only possible destiny, she becomes Forward and assuming. She regards it as necessary to force attention toward herself. She is not of those who “to be won, must be wooed.” Her aims are obtrusive; instead of waiting for the approach of another, she makes constant advances toward him. This fault is still more repulsive to most gentlemen than the other. They esteem it an indication of great vanity on the part of a young woman, and expressive of no very high sense of their own powers of discernment, or of their delicacy of feeling. Such persons must expect little favor at the hands of the other sex, should all their endeavors be frustrated. “She might have been married,” is their uniform language, “had she not exhibited such boldness, and such determination to carry one’s heart by storm.”

Nor will her own sex be sparing in their reproaches of one left in a single state, after so many, and such ineffectual, efforts to change it. The modest lady pities, and blushes for, a sister thus regardless of proprieties. Her companions, successful by their very neglect to toil for success, will doubtless apply to her, and with some pungency, the epithet of “old maid.” Ought she to repine at the fruit of her own indiscretion and folly?

Far different is the estimate usually formed of her who, by unforeseen and inevitable circumstances, or by a wise preference, continues single. Such cannot fail of being generally respected in society. That they are thus situated is perceived to be no fault of theirs, but, at most, a misfortune. In a multitude of these instances a young woman shall be the more respected for remaining unmarried. It argues a moral independence, a regard not only for her immediate happiness, but for her personal character, which cannot fail to excite, in all candid and generous minds, a true admiration.

There are several traits characteristic, in some degree, of what is termed an “old maid,” that are in reality to be ranked among the higher Virtues.