Many are married to obtain a Home. They desire an establishment; the prospect of having no dwelling, which they can call “their own,” fills them with restless apprehensions. They crave some special protector, in whom they may merge, as it were, their own being, and be thereby released from personal responsibilities; one on whom they may lean for the gratification of every wish and want. Like the emigrant who leaves the tough soil of New England, for the glorious West, they imagine that their exchange is to release them from toil, and crown them, at the same moment, with plenty.
Such expectations are delusive. Woman was not created for this absolute and unlimited ease. Neither single, nor married, can she subsist with comfort to herself, except by being largely endowed with self-dependence. As a wife, she will not be caressed and cherished in one cloudless day, even though her husband prove the kindest of his sex. She must do and suffer much for his sake, or the bonds of their love will soon be as flax amid flames. If she enter the marriage state with any other design than to devote herself to her family, to toil more, instead of less, than she now does, either by mental or manual exertions, or by both, let her be assured of a fearful disappointment. She may promise herself, in a pure connection, great joy, much to compensate her sacrifices, but a life of ease and entire freedom from care, let her never anticipate.
There are ladies compelled, I am aware, to seek a home by matrimony, through the influence of their parents. This may be exerted, as in Mexico, indirectly, through solicitors and by management, or, like the French, the parents may negotiate the marriage in person, if not in form, yet by such methods, as to leave the daughter no alternative, but to accept such shelter abroad as any suitor may propose to her.
Rise, I entreat you, above this servitude. There is a method, by which you may provide an habitation for yourself. Prepare so completely to earn your own livelihood, that no one, friend or foe, dare say of you, “she is obliged by her helplessness to marry some one.” There are honorable avocations, and not a few either, in which every young woman can support herself. Let all be acquainted with some of them, with one at least. Then may they listen to overtures of marriage, with the feeling, that, as for a home, that, they have already secured by the skill of their own mind and hands.
Young ladies sometimes marry for Wealth. They have been educated to regard this as the criterion of excellence. A man’s “worth” is reckoned, not in moral attainments, but in dollars and cents. He, therefore, who is poor, is set down as beneath much consideration. From her earliest days, the girl has, perhaps, heard her parents talk of “being well-settled,” of “a good establishment,” and “a handsome property,” as the sine qua non of married life. In Tartary, a young man must purchase his bride, and if too poor to give money, he must serve her father four or five years. If a richer rival presents himself before the term of service expires, the first suitor is dismissed; he can claim only wages for his work. How many parents in this civilized and Christian land, thus sell their daughters. Give the transaction whatever smooth name you please, it is, after all, a bargain and sale.
Legislators, it appears, sometimes openly and directly encourage this traffic. The Congress of Texas recently offered a premium of nearly three thousand acres of land to every woman who would marry a citizen of Texas, who was one at the declaration of Independence.
Let me warn my female friends against this influence. Marry for riches alone, and you will be a neglected, unhappy wife, as sure as gold is not kindness. How many of your sex have sold their honor for paltry lucre. Our cities contain awful testimonies to this fact. Beware of that path, which leads in this fearful direction. Marry only a good man. Heed the advice of Themistocles to that Athenian, who consulted him in relation to the marriage of his daughter. She had two suitors, one a man of worth with a small fortune, the other rich, but in low repute. “I would bestow my daughter,” said he, “upon a man without money, rather than upon money without a man.”
Never fear to form this connection with an individual of merit, though his circumstances be humble. Poverty indeed is often the nurse of rare virtues. It imparts energy, prudence, and industry, when rightly regarded. I like the reply of the Irish maid, when reminded of the extreme poverty of herself and her lover. “Sure, two people eat no more when they’re together, than they do when they’re separate.” And if this were not true, there are advantages in equality of condition which often render such alliances among the most happy ever found on earth. God will bless those who act from principle and affection, as in all other relations, so in the formation of the marriage tie.
Woman sometimes gives herself to Beauty of Person. She is led captive by a fair face and an elegant exterior. These cases are less frequent than those, in which men marry for beauty. Still, they do occur, and although outward graces are not to be contemned more than other gifts of Providence, yet she who bestows her hand for their sake alone is a victim to folly. Should such be free from impure passion, they still build their hopes on a foundation of straw. In the conflict of life, we need, in our nearest friend, inward charms. Where these are wanting, our lot is pitiable indeed.
There are vain men, so weak, as to pride themselves on external attractions alone. But they are hollow-hearted. Woe to her, who commits her happiness to one of these shells of humanity. She is trusting to a treacherous hope. Her love, far from being pure, is that which