There is no cause for a young woman, in any ordinary circumstances, to fear that she shall be left single. How very few are they, who deserve the attentions of the other sex, and yet never receive any overtures for marriage. Where the means of support are so equally distributed, and where girls are so well trained, as they are usually in this country, nearly every young man is married, and of course finds somewhere a companion. Have then Faith that you will not be neglected. This will do much to inspire that modest conduct, which attracts so powerfully the opposite sex. It will also lead you to a course of steady preparation, in all respects, for marriage, and thus both insure your entrance on that state, and qualify you for its duties.
Cultivate Moral Courage. It is better to wait this year and next, and many years, rather than, for the sake of appeasing the popular cry, to throw yourself away on a dolt, or a villain. What consolation can it be, when bound to such a companion for life, to reflect, that you have escaped the odious name of an “old maid?” Better ten lives of singleness, than a few years of that wretchedness so often occasioned by marrying simply and solely for fear of being single.
Others marry to gratify their Friends. This world abounds in match-makers. They are, too, of all descriptions; some true friends to the parties concerned in their management, perhaps their parents; others entirely indifferent in this respect; others mere busy bodies, burning for the excitement of love affairs, for new offers, engagements, and weddings.
As regards the agency of friends in these matters, I believe little good ever comes of their plans and efforts. Where they succeed, there are fearful chances that the individuals, intended to be benefitted, will have cause to rue the consequences. It is far better to let nature direct, or rather to leave Providence his own modes of operation, instead of attempting to force, or urge, what should be left entirely to the feelings, judgment, and taste, of the parties involved.
For those meddlesome creatures, who spend their days in instigating others to love, I can only say, they will have a dark account to render in the end. There is no more despicable character than a finished “manœuverer.” It implies a meanness, that can pry into the corners of others’ affairs, an indolence, that neglects one’s own proper business, and a mental vacuity, and a littleness of purpose, which are the dread of every noble mind. Beware of the impertinence of such persons. Be very sure that you give not your hand and heart where they point, instead of following, as you ought, your own good sense, and the promptings of affection.
There are those of an opposite description, who marry to gratify Self-will, and to shew their independence of advisers. This is the more dangerous error of the two. The law of the Laplanders on this subject is not without some reason, severe though it certainly is; it is there death to marry a girl without the consent of her friends. The instances in which this occurs are rare; yet there are those who, through pride and perversity, choose to be miserable in their own way rather than happy in one proposed, or sanctioned even, by others. Young women are sometimes disinterested in the indulgence of a passion, for they do it to their own injury, and to the sorrow of their relatives. Because advised to marry a particular gentleman, they set themselves in array against him. Or, blind to those faults, which every one else discovers, and warns them against, they commit their destiny to the actually abandoned. I knew one of this class, who, in spite of all remonstrance, married an intemperate man, and who went even so far as to say, after his death, which resulted from this vice, “that she never saw her husband intoxicated in his life.”
Some marry to remove from an Unpleasant Home. They are obliged, perhaps, to work hard for a small compensation, or for none. The mother is unkind to them, or the father is morose. The daughter receives frequent hints about her support, or, of her marriage being necessary to make her “respectable” among her companions; or, the parents talk of their own early engagement, &c. This conversation awakens a strong desire to escape dependence upon them. Other circumstances serve to alienate a female from the place of her birth, her town, or village, and she is induced to sacrifice herself to any one who proffers his hand.
But is it not
| “Better to bear the ills we have, Than flee to those we know not of?” |
By an ill-assorted match, a lady is placed in a situation, where, let her have suffered as she might previously, her condition is nearly certain to be made worse by the change. Under the parental roof, she enjoyed much liberty; but now she is chained to one spot, and must receive to her bosom, a being, who inflicts pangs on her spirit. The die is cast; she is enslaved by a perpetual master. Piteous is her doom.