“Constant practice as a rail-splitter,” said Lincoln “gave me a thorough knowledge of the various grain found in wood, but I never thought ebony would be so tough to work upon, as I have found it to be since I took to dealing with these d—d niggers.”
The only alternative.
“How shall we get cotton” said a northern manufacturer to the president. “Well, I suppose you must just wait till the southerners get worsted,” was Abe’s reply.
Abe’s Difficulties.
A celebrated American Explorer, while chatting with the president, said that in his late attempt to discover the remains of the unfortunate Sir John Franklin and his crew, he passed through Davis’-straits. “Did you, by God,” said Abe, “then, I should think you are the only person on earth who could pass through mine.”
Misnomers.
“What are you?” said Lincoln, to a man dressed in fustian, who rudely accosted him in the streets of Washington. “I am a civil engineer” was the reply. “Then,” said the president, “you are like the war now raging, sadly mis-named, for there is nothing civil about you.”
Deficiency of Fuel.
A ship was lately dispatched by Welles to endeavour to capture the celebrated Southern cruiser, yclept the Alabama. After the ship had been absent a short time it was discovered that the supply of coals was deficient. The coals had been supplied by a celebrated New York dealer in that commodity named Heaven. Upon the matter being mentioned to Lincoln, he replied, “Well, he ought to have telegraphed to Heaven for more coals.”