YOur wiles (Sirra)Exordium. and sophisticall expositions of your owne misdemeanours, with sundrie confirmations therein vsed, whereby to driue me from the verie suppose of that whereunto no one thing hath giuen more euident testimony, then the course and progression of your whole life,Metaphora are either too newlie forged, to reape at my hands any sound credite, or the metall so light, as carieth in the weight thereof verie small substance. in my conceipt to be beleeued.
Well haue you applied your witsInsultatiō. (no doubt) and to especiall good purpose haue your studies bin framed, that can so cunninglie cōment as you haue done vpon so bad a text, but withdraw your measure betimes, and cease this ouerweening,Allegoria. least by continuing your selfe in a fools paradice, and where al things are naught, supposing nothing to be amisse, you do (as by your deserts you haue sundry times endeuored to lose a father) so in the end frame a desperate meane to lose your selfe, when you may neuer be recouered.
The shame you haue of your mischiefe done, and guiltinesse of your owne conscience to come in my sight, togither with a knowne mislike that you haue receiued from mee, either to see or heare from you: you vse as a cloake, to couer the long pretext you haue made in defence of your euils, you haue well shewed that paper beareth no other hue but his owne, and the letters you imprint therupon, carrie but their proper colour.Allegoria. Though they falsifie a thousande actions, and bolster vp inumerable lies, it is not seene in their chaunge, but in a shamefast browe of him that were not past shame, the least of all these would quickelie bee deciphered.Parison. Is it not inough you haue done badlie touching your selfe, vnkindlie demeaned your selfe towardes your fathers friendes, vnthriftily consumed your time in some one or other badde companie, run at randon euerie way to your parents and your owne infamie, but that also in your behauiours, you will not onelie dare to denie it, but which is woorse, in your writing seeke to defende it. It fitteth not that I shoulde vse reasoning, neither meane I to contend with your cautels, but for fashions sake, or (if so you list) to beate that to your remembrance, whereof hitherto you abandon the notice, let me aske you this one question. In all your smooth passage and flourish made of your companie, their reputation,Synathrismus. your ciuilitie, small play, my allowance, and your construction vpon the same, dooth it not drawe to this ende, that it was in an Inne, in a place filled with all vnthriftinesse, in a dicing Chamber, in a spectacle for all companies? Doth not the verie deliuerance of your owne fact condemne you, dooth not the verie sequell of his entrance,Synonymia. looking on, and plaie (whome you tearme to bee a base fellowe) impugne you? Dooth not your after quarrell and mischiefe done oppose it selfe agaynst you? What if all the information deliuered vnto mee in particular were not true? Is not the substaunce true?Erotema. Nature coueting recreation, is in him that will bee modestlie gouerned,Orismus. to be measured as well by time and place, as by entertainment of companies, Custome carrying with it selfe anie secrete insimulation of euill, is not to bee followed; ciuilitie is not ciuilitie, when it shall bee repugnant to a right gouerned modestie: can that be agreeing to Law, which in effect is discordant from anie good order of law? Induce you my allowance, as a confirmed sentence to your vaine opinions? Why, sirra, frequented I euer anie such play in Innes?Metonoia. Nay rather did I not euer mislike it, alwaies spake against it, and in euerie action condemne it? Stood not my conceit that being in the best part it might be, though young men stoode neuer so much on their light gaming, and little hinderance, it was rather an allurements and inurement to vnthriftines then a pastime of any gentlenes, when it was vsed in a Gentlemans house, which is by sundrie defences more tollerable, and not in an Inne, the verie publike intertainer of all kinds of societies.
At your departing from mee, your iourney laie to S. you were to trauaile to my friendes house. In respect of the time, my reputation,Synathrismus. your beeing, the place, and the companie, I furnished you with money, knowing that there, and with such persons, and in their seuerall pleasures you were to bee conformed to companies: Hereof gaue I euer allowance, the like whereof haue I deemed meetest for the expence and societie of anie Gentleman, thither shoulde you haue trauelled, so in the honest distribution of that allowed for your maintenaunce, you had both auoyded the present mischiefe, alreadie incurred, and preuented occasions, wherby manie times they are aduentured.
It is not inough,Sententia. not to doe euill, but we ought also to resist the occasions of euill, what recreation I pray you, after trauell is more natural then rest? Who more subiect to casualties, then they that hazarde themselues to most companies?Antithesis. What custome better, then to vse our Inne for repose, the onelie and sole intent whereunto it was prepared? Wherein is ciuilitie more commended then in honest gouernment? What more lawfull for any man then laudablie to beare himselfe? Your demeanour is tyed to your own behauiour, and not to anothers inclinations, your actions well disposed, are not offensiue to what by others pleasures to bee continued: had you vsed the place as it serued for, who would haue beene discontented? Once it appeareth that euill is come of it,Merismus. brawlings arise, men are hurt, slanders ensue, and infamy doth guerdon it.
Touching the latter part of your Letter I say little,Peroratiō. till I haue more deliberatelieSententia. of the circumstaunce considered. Some, hoping more of that you will bee, then I dare intende what you maie bee, haue manie wayes in this action perswaded mee. Where much hath beene ouerpassed, it is reason that something at length do beare shew to haue well deserued. Simplicitie in well doing, is farre more pleasing then a curious definition of well dooing. When I finde proofe of your amendement, I shall then wish to see you. Meane while, it shall behooue you to enter into your selfe, and more circumspectly to consider what most fittest beseemeth you, wherewith at this present my directions shall conclude. R. this, &c.
An example of another Epistle Inuectiue, pleasantly written against the
humours and conditions of a vaineglorious person.
WEre the peeuishnes of my conceitsExordium. correspondent to those vaineglorious humours of yours, I could before and sithence your exemplified discourse committed to my view, haue vpon occasion sufficient, deuised how and wherewith to haue preuented or answered your accustomed cauils.Epanodis. The first whereof not hauing performed, so could I willinglie also haue left the latter vndone by determined speech to haue beene accomplished, were it not that hauing prooued the arrogancie to bee in you, wherewith vniustly you charge me, I might by my ouerlong silence giue head to your follies, and whilest by an outragious well liking of your selfe you become ignorant of your owne mischiefs,Liptote. you might vse a scope not necessarie therby more farther to abuse my sufferance, as heretofore you haue done a great many others by their common negligence.
For auoyding whereof, I haue (as my leisure would induce mee) thought good to giue place to mine owne determination, & to serue your humour so farre forth as to answere your letter, not being stung, as you fondlie and vainlie imagine,Ironia. with the venome thereof, nor galled with the opposed surmises of your munificence, wealth, credite, reputation, and I know not what besides, all which I do suppose either to be so skant, as no man can substantiallie discerne them, or otherwise that you would neuer so often as you do, without a surfeiting follie enduour to obtrude them.
The policies you vse with mee are nothing straunge, which because they are nowe growne so stale, bee euerie waie therefore the lesse currant.Omiosis. Howe like vnto a shamelesse woman, or some other base conceyted creature, you appeare in your wryting, let but the matter of your Letter testifie, if because you haue both manlie shape and countenaunce, you will admitte neither of these similitudes, you must bee either a childe, or a foole, and so weare a bable,Sarcasmus. or take a horne booke at your girdle, and get you to schoole againe.