What shall we do then? says the nurse; if that vixen is so much bent upon this whim, Mrs. Bull cannot possibly refuse her husband’s own sister, what the world will call so poor a favour; it would look like mere jealousy and spleen, and might breed heart-burnings between the two families.
Here Mr. Bumbo, perceiving the good woman’s extreme distress, thought how he best might comfort her, and thereby turn the discourse to the affair of his own major-domo-ship. My dear madam, says he, don’t be uneasy; this letter was written by a parcel of Geoffrites, of whom I have a list in my pocket; the few Thomists that are in that house, would sooner be hanged than do any thing so disagreeable to your ladyship.
Yours are right Thomists, says the nurse; ours here are more troublesome about those matters, than any body; but assure me, says she, that this letter is a forgery, and I shall love you as long I breathe.
A mere forgery upon my salvation, says Bumbo.
Well said, says she, what comfort you give me! Let us away to Mrs. Bull, and have those forgers tried to the utmost.
Before your ladyship goes, says Bumbo, I have a little affair to mention: your ladyship knows, that the major-domo is dead, may not I presume to hope, that your ladyship will do me a good office with Sir Thomas on this occasion?
Assure yourself that you shall be major-domo, says the nurse; but you must not go, till Mrs. Bull has heard your evidence about the forgery.
Upon my honour and reputation, says Bumbo, there is no occasion; the forgery will appear quite plain, every word of it forged, as I declare to you; but that unnatural woman was persuaded to desire me to second her application, and your ladyship knows, that even a major-domo leads but a dog’s-life, if the mistress and every body be against him. There is Small-Trash, the Laird of Lick-pelf’s brother, will give his oath about the forgery; and that is the same thing as if I did it myself, for every body knows that we always swear the same things.
I don’t understand your scruples now says the nurse; would any woman desire you to second a forged application? Besides nobody ever heard of Small-Trash; and we cannot be answerable for trusting his evidence. Stay, stay, my dear major-domo, and give us your own proper evidence in this important point of forgery.
I pray, says Bumbo, that your ladyship would consider my straits; I dare not say a word about Geoffrites; every body will roar, and say, they knew what was a coming; nor dare I speak my mind about Peg; I beg that your ladyship would not expose me like a bawd on the pillory, to be pelted, battered, and splashed with rotten eggs, chewed apples, and street dirt, for the faithful counsel which I give in your private ear. I will do twice as much for you in another way.