Well, well, says the nurse, I see the matter is hard, Gilbert and James will carry all before them. I shall neither meddle nor make; Sir Thomas will be imposed upon about the major-domo-ship. There are many people looking for the place, and let me tell you it is an office of great consequence. You are young, Mr. Bumbo; and they say, you are hot when my back is turned, and you do not understand much of the larder or the pantry, and you huff the poor tenants when they come about the kitchen, and that Margaret herself has not that confidence in you, which the mistress of a family should have in a person, who has such a trust about her house. In short, I have had many disputes on your account, and now I am an old woman, and don’t meddle much. There is little appearance of my being able to obtain this favour for you; but you may talk to Sir Thomas about it yourself. I am, indeed, very much out of order; old age has many infirmities; a very severe cough I have, and am troubled with wind; indeed, I have not eat an ounce of victuals for these three days.
It is impossible to describe what passed in Bumbo’s countenance during this harangue. It changed from suspence to embarrassment, from embarrassment to confusion, from confusion to absolute despair; and there it settled, when the nurse concluded her speech and was just a going. Well, says he, with a faultering voice, I have got many enemies on your account and Sir Thomas’s; here they are, pulling the list out of his pocket, sworn Geoffrites, as I hope to be saved.
That will not do, Mr. Bumbo, says the nurse; we do not care a rush for your Geoffrites or your Thomists either. They do well enough in their time, but when one is about serious business, I hate trifling. If John Bull and his sister take the defence of their houses upon themselves, we may all go packing. What influence can any body have in a family, where he has little or nothing to give away? I have been all my life contriving things for Sir Thomas and myself, to take to ourselves, or to give away, and now you would have us part with one of the best things we have. I have found, Mr. Bumbo, that a person’s influence in any family, depends on the number of good things he has to give; you must have caps, ribbons and petticoats for the maids, sugar-plumbs for the children, and luncheons for the clerks, and be able to help a footman now and then out of livery, otherwise they will not give an old song for you; and Sir Thomas has found plenty about John’s house, otherwise Mrs. Bull and he would not be so good friends as they are. People must have their vails and their perquisites. Many a time has Sir Thomas obliged his friend with a game-keeper’s place or so; and consider with yourself, that if John continues to do any part of that business himself, what numbers, not only of game-keepers, foresters and whippers-in, but even weavers, taylors, smiths, accountants, bakers, tanners, and shoe-makers, will forget the way to Sir Thomas’s closet, and never think more of Hubble-bubble, or your humble servant. And then the management of Rousterdivel’s affairs when he was brought over, was an excellent thing; trust me, many a pretty fortune has been got by Rousterdivel. But it is all over, Mr. Bumbo, all over; and now a person who comes to ask for a major-domo-ship, thinks he may do what he pleases.
Much honoured madam, says Bumbo, I hope you do not consider the scruples of a friend as an absolute refusal. I have always been ready to swear what you please, and if my oath be required to this forgery, I am ready to give it.
That was spoken like a major-domo, says the nurse; let us away to Hubble-bubble, and settle the tenour of your evidence.
CHAP. XIV.
Showing how it was the fashion to harangue Mrs. Bull.
Altho’ Mrs. Bull, in all matters of consequence, generally took her resolution before she came into the office, yet it was the fashion to talk to her, as if she was undetermined to the last; and she herself humoured people in this whim, by listening to them, as if she was drinking in instruction at both her ears, from every word they said. This same had its consequences, for she got the habit of doing nothing, unless some body spoke to her more or less, and then if she was never so much determined upon a point, she was often out of countenance, when all the talk and the noise was on the other side.
This circumstance made Jowler so precious a fellow, that Hubble-bubble himself, at the time he had most to say with Mrs. Bull, would have given a piece of his ear to have had Jowler hold his tongue; which he, however, would never do, till he saw time and place convenient. Then do historians say, that they have seen him as silent as a lamb, or making his noise on t’other side of the same question.
However this be, you may believe that this affair of sister Peg’s was not to pass without talking enough. Mrs. Bull was no sooner seated, than there were people enow ready to advise her; she was told to put off the matter to another time, that it was an affair of great consequence, and that Peg appeared to be in too great a hurry. Which was scarcely said, when she was told, that her ladyship was no stranger to such subjects, that she had heard enough of it lately from her own husband, and given her opinion; that the people who spoke of Margaret’s hurry, were certainly in jest, and meant to ridicule the poor woman for her long patience and forbearance.