As for the trouble, I do not know any body who can have cause to complain of it, except Mr. Bull and his sister; and when they are tired, they will probably let it alone, without troubling your ladyship for any orders about the matter.
But I find people of very solemn authority, who tell us that it is dangerous to trust the youth of a family with arms. That besides quarrelling among themselves, they will fly in the face of every body else. That they may even drag your ladyship off that couch where you sit, and kick us your clerks down stairs. I should be glad to know from whom it is you are to fear these outrages; or if any body in reality was to offer them, to whom would you apply for protection, but to those who call you their lawful superior and their parent. It is strange, that a parent should be supposed to have no hold in the affections of her own children, or that they who stand first in point of esteem and respect in the family, should be in danger of being maltreated by those with whom they are so nearly connected. For my part, if the children of this family improve in their courage, their vigour, and their spirit, I expert to improve with them, and should be ashamed to own, that I fear losing, in that case, the respect and affection, with which I am now received among my companions.
At any rate it seems it is owned, that we may quarrel among ourselves; and pray who is it we would have to be worsted, in case of such a quarrel? Can we foresee who will be in the right, that we may arm them, and nobody else? It seems, we are sure, the game-keeper, at least, will be always in the right, since we are for keeping him perpetually armed, and for rendering all the rest as tame and helpless as possible, that he may have the less trouble, or find them ready subdued to his hand. Or do those who alarm us with the fear of domestic quarrels, pretend that the game-keeper will never quarrel with any body? I would gladly avoid this subject, but the question is forced upon us. I honour the profession of which I speak, and would often in my life have gladly embraced it. But when I was describing it to you, I thought that I was pointing out the most dangerous quarter, into which the spirit of domestic faction can come. Here is an order of men, who are always in readiness to act, whose leader is always prepared; in possession at all times of great power, and at all times desirous of more. Other factions may lurk under-ground in the seed, or spring into view to be crushed as they appear. But this is at all times a full grown plant. There needs no giant to tear it from the roots, nor is there any great address required, with the help of this weapon, to confound and destroy all the civil and domestic institutions of men.
I speak not with a view to excite groundless jealousies; I speak in behalf of an institution, which is now compleated in one part of the family, and which, if carried to the other, must prove our best security against ill-designing men, from within, or from without, in either house. If it be an advantage where it is already established, I hope that your ladyship will not refuse to share it with an only sister, who would be glad to employ all her force in your service, and now only claims her privilege as a piece of justice, from a person to whom she has intrusted the management of her affairs.
CHAP. XVI.
How Bumbo gave his evidence.
We are far from commending the practice of certain historians, who pretend to give the compleat speeches which were spoken many ages before, by leaders of armies, members of councils, and orators in popular assemblies; we maintain that nobody can do this, except the devil, or some person to whom the speaker himself gave a copy of his harangue in writing. This not being our case, we content ourselves with giving a few broken hints, such as we have been able to collect from the best authorities, in order to give our reader some notion of the substance of what was said to Mrs. Bull upon this great occasion. With respect to the contents of this chapter, indeed, we are singularly happy, in having met with the memoirs of Suck-Fist, a very learned man of that age, who used to feed the game-keeper’s pointer, and being present with Mrs. Bull on this occasion, has transmitted to posterity the particulars of Bumbo’s appearance.
By him we are informed, that Bumbo, after all, was not put to his oath; that the terrors of a formal oath approaching, he so explained what he had said about the forgery, that it was not thought expedient to put him to it in public; and the nurse thought it was better to hazard a speech from him at large, which if the lady’s bowels could bear to an end, would at least show the world, that there was one of Peg’s own people against granting her request.
Bumbo therefore appeared with this view, as no better could be made of it. Suck-Fist relates, that he began with declaring the instructions he had got from Margaret, to second her application. He said, that for his part it was his opinion, that nothing could be more reasonable than the proposal she made; that if John Bull had arms in his house, or sent his children to the fencing school for a month or two, there was no reason why Margaret should be hindered from doing the same thing; and that there was nothing more desireable than to have every distinction between the two families abolished.
Were not Suck-Fist a writer of good authority, both in point of judgment and veracity, we should be apt to question the following particulars of his narration; they are so repugnant to what went before, and so totally void of sense or coherence, that not only we, but all future historians will hesitate before they transcribe this part of his memoirs into their works. But as fiction is often more probable than truth, we draw a presumption of veracity from the very want of likelihood in the case, and are sure that such things could never have come into any body’s head, if they had not been true. To dissuade Mrs. Bull from signing the order, which, it seems, was brought her ready written, relating to Peg’s people, he tells her, that it was exactly like that she had already given in her own house. He did not pretend, at least in public, that the Geoffrites were many in Peg’s house, yet he would not even let Sir Thomas pick and chuse, but said, it was giving arms indiscriminately, to raise turbulent spirits. He commended Mac Lurchar extremely, and said it was a pity to take him off his loom, except he was to be transported; that giving him arms would spoil his hand as a weaver, and hinder his fighting, in which he had behaved so gloriously, that he did not deserve to be discouraged, much less annihilated, till John had made up matters with Lewis Baboon. He pointed at many bad consequences, that would attend employing Mac Lurchar, for the defence of the house, such as spoiling a good weaver, and the like; but he insisted, that no distinction should be made between him and any body else, by pushing a line, or any other method that could separate the house into two parts; I implore, beseech, and intreat, says he, that you would not push any such line across our house; let us all be treated alike, and if there be any of us who are not in danger of being molested, or others who are not fit to carry arms, let us all be refused them together, that nobody’s mind may be ruffled, nor any heart-burnings be left, but those which do or may subsist between John Bull himself and his worthy sister Margaret; they have been used to more dust than any can raise between them, and can bear it all. He advised Mrs. Bull to do nothing at all in Peg’s house, lest she should forget something; when you have shown to us, that you can remember every circumstance at once, then we will apply for your directions, or devise a method of our own; and as Margaret has already born the disgrace of this difference so long, I see no reason why she may not bear it some time longer; her house can never be more open, or more defenceless than it is now, nor her children less qualified to resist thieves; and I see no reason to hurry the supply of defects, to which she is now so well accustomed. He concluded by telling Mrs. Bull, what a dangerous thing it would be to give any orders in Peg’s house, when he was told that her ladyship was just going to give some fresh order in her own.