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| Joe and the Geologist | (Cumberland) | [1] |
| T’ Reets on’t | (Ibid.) | [7] |
| Bobby Banks’s Bodderment | (Ibid.) | [17] |
| Wise Wiff | (Ibid.) | [27] |
| Lal Dinah Grayson | (Ibid.) | [37] |
| Jwohnny, Git oot! | (Ibid.) | [40] |
| The Runaway Wedding | (Ibid.) | [43] |
| Billy Watson’ Lonning | (Ibid.) | [46] |
| Lone and Weary | (Ibid.) | [50] |
| T’ Clean Ned o’ Kes’ick | (Ibid.) | [53] |
| Ben Wells | (Ibid.) | [57] |
| Sannter Bella | (Ibid.) | [60] |
| Branthet Neùk Boggle | (Ibid.) | [63] |
| Mary Ray and Me | (Ibid.) | [73] |
| The Bannasyde Cairns | (High Furness.) | [76] |
| Betty Yewdale | (Ibid.) | [82] |
| The Skulls of Calgarth | (Westmorland.) | [89] |
| Māp’ment | (High Furness.) | [101] |
| Oxenfell Dobby | (Ibid.) | [104] |
| Meenie Bell | (Dumfriesshire.) | [113] |
| A Lockerbye Lyck | (Old Scotch.) | [116] |
| The Farmers’ Wives o’ Annandale | (Dumfriesshire.) | [128] |
| A Reminiscence of Corrie | (Ibid.) | [131] |
| Reminiscences of Lockerbie | (Ibid.) | [143] |
| Yan o’ t’ Elect | (Cumberland.) | [151] |
| Keàtie Curbison’s Cat | (Ibid.) | [157] |
| Joseph Thompson’s Thumb | (Ibid.) | [160] |
| Cursty Benn | (Ibid.) | [168] |
| Tom Railton’s White Spats | (Ibid.) | [172] |
| A Sneck Possett | (Ibid.) | [180] |
| Remarks on the Cumberland Dialect | [183] | |
| Glossary | [189] |
JOE AND THE GEOLOGIST.
A het foorneun, when we war oa’ gaily thrang at heàm, an oald gentleman mak’ of a fellow com’ in tul ooar foald an’ said, whyte nateral, ’at he wantit somebody to gà wid him on’t fells. We oa’ stopt an’ teuk a gud leuk at him afoor anybody spak; at last fadder said, middlin’ sharp-like—(he ola’s speaks that way when we’re owte sa thrang, does fadder)—“We’ve summat else to deu here nor to gà rakin ower t’fells iv a fine day like this, wid nèabody kens whoa.” T’gentleman was a queerish like oald chap, wid a sharp leuk oot, grey hair and a smo’ feàce—drist i’ black, wid a white neckcloth like a parson, an’ a par of specks on t’top of a gay lang nwose at wasn’t set varra fair atween t’ e’en on him, sooa ’at when he leuk’t ebbem at yan through his specks he rayder turn’t his feàce to t’ya side. He leuk’t that way at fadder, gev a lal chèarful bit of a laugh an’ said, iv his oan mak’ o’ toke, ’at he dudn’t want to hinder wark, but he wad give anybody ’at ken’t t’fells weel, a matter o’ five shillin’ to gà wid him, an’ carry two lāl bags. “’Howay wid tha, Joe,” sez fadder to me, “it’s a croon mair nor iver thou was wūrth at heàm!” I meàd nèa words aboot it, but gat me-sel’ a gud lūmp of a stick, an’ away we set, t’oald lang nwos’t man an’ me, ebbem up t’ deàl.
As we war’ climmin’ t’fell breist, he geh me two empty bags to carry, meàd o’ ledder. Thinks I to me-sel’, “I’s gān to eddle me five shillin’ middlin’ cannily.” I niver thowte he wad finnd owte on t’ fells to full his lal bags wid, but I was misteàn!
He turn’t oot to be a far lisher oald chap nor a body wad ha’ thowte, to leuk at his gray hair and his white hankecher an’ his specks. He went lowpin owre wet spots an’ gūrt steàns, an’ scrafflin across craggs an’ screes, tul yan wad ha’ sworn he was sūmmat a kin tul a Herdwick tip.
Efter a while he begon leukin’ hard at oa’t steàns an’ craggs we com’ at, an’ than he teuk till breckan lūmps off them wid a queer lal hammer he hed wid him, an’ stuffin t’ bits intil t’ bags ’at he geh me to carry. He fairly cap’t me noo. I dudn’t ken what to mak o’ sec a customer as t’is! At last I cudn’t help axin him what meàd him cum sèa far up on t’fell to lait bits o’ steàns when he may’d finnd sèa many doon i’t deàls? He laugh’t a gay bit, an’ than went on knappin’ away wid his lal hammer, an’ said he was a jolly jist. Thinks I to me-sel’, thou’s a jolly jackass, but it maks nèa matter to me if thou no’but pays me t’ five shillin’ thou promish’t ma.
Varra weel, he keep’t on at this feckless wark tul gaily leàt at on i’t efter-neun, an’ be that time o’ day he’d pang’t beàth o’t ledder pwokes as full as they wad hod wid bits o’ steàn.