“Philip an' the other crowned lads at this would agree wit' Richard. 'Them Paynims is certainly th' worst ever!' they'd say; an' one woid'd borry another, until the crusade is on. Some afternoon you'd hear the newsies in th' streets yellin', 'Wux-try!' an' there it'd be in big black type, 'Richard, Philip an' their gallant bands of Strong-Arms have landed in Palestine.'”
“An' then w'at, Slimmy?” cooed Alma, who hung on every word.
“As far as I can see, th' Christians always had it on th' Paynims, always had 'em shaded, when it comes to a scrap. Th' Christian lads had th' punch; an' th' Paynims must have been wise to it; for no sooner would Richard, Philip an' their roly-boly boys hit th' dock, than th' Paynims would take it on th' run for th' hills. Their mullahs would try to rally 'em, be tellin' 'em that whoever got downed fightin' Christians, the prophet would punch his ticket through for paradise direct, an' no stop-overs.
“'That's all right about the prophet!' they'd say, givin' th' mullahs th' laugh. An' then they'd beat it for th' next ridge.”
“Them Paynims must have been a bunch of dead ones,” commented the Dropper.
“Not bein' able to get on a match,” continued Slimmy, without heeding the Dropper, “th' Paynims declinin' their game, th' Christian hosts would rough house th' country generally, an' in a way of speakin' stand th' Holy Land on its head. Do what they would, however, they couldn't coax th' Paynims into th' ring wit' 'em; an' so after a while they decides that Palestine's th' bummest place they'd ever struck. Mebby, too, they'd begin havin' woid from home that their wives was gettin' a little gay, or their kids was goin' round marryin' th' kids of their enemies, an' that one way an' another their domestic affairs was on th' fritz. At this, Richard'd go loafin' over to Philip's tent, an' say:
“'Philly, me boy, I don't know how this crusade strikes youse, but if I'm any judge of these great moral movements, it's on th' blink. An' so,' he'd go on, 'Philly, it's me for Merrie England be th' night boat.'
“Wit' that, they'd break for home; an', when they got there, they'd mebby hand out a taste of th' strap to mamma an' th' babies, just to teach 'em not to go runnin' out of form th' next time father's far away.”
“Youse don't bank much on crusades, Slimmy?” Ike the Blood said.
The Blood had more than a passing interest in the movement, mention of which had started the discussion, being himself a part proprietor in one of those threatened Raines Law Hotels.