His self-depreciation astonished me. Surely he must know what he is! Then I remembered, dear father, how people who are born with great gifts do not recognise the fact because it is so natural to them. Indeed, you once told me, when that wonderful man M—— condescended to talk to me about the beetles he had discovered, that these men of genius cannot understand how it is everyone else has not powers similar to their own.
“Do you know that you are telling lies without knowing it?” I said.
“I am—— What did you say?” he said, evidently startled, stopping short and once more staring at me.
“When you say you are devoid of charm and interest you are telling a monstrous lie,” I cried. “If you don’t know that every woman who sees and talks to you must think you a god among men, it is time you did know it; for it is much better for women you should not be with them. You make them dissatisfied with their people. Don’t misunderstand me! You did not make me dissatisfied with my father: he, too, was perfect. But after seeing you that time you came and stayed, everyone else seemed coarse and common; and Roderick—oh, poor Roderick!—I was very unkind to him. I did not want him at all.”
Once more he stopped.
“Do you mean all this?” he said. “Good God! Why, of course you do! I forgot how innocent, how ignorant you are! What shall I do with you?”
We stood staring at one another like cats before they begin to fight.
“Do with me?” I said, thinking as I spoke; for I felt very sorry for him, burdened with me. “Take my advice, my first advice: have nothing to do with me. Go away, and forget my father and me as soon as you can.”
“But why should I? No, no; that is not the question,” he said, sternly, like you used to speak sometimes. “Lilia, be sensible! If you think far more of me than I deserve, why cannot you consent to be my wife?”
“You never asked me!” I said.