Mister Gipple he says that one time in Mully Gatawny there was a battle be tween the wites and the natif niggers, and the wites licked. Then the wite general he said to his mahoot, which is the feller which rides a ephalent and jabs its ears: “Here, Kibosh, you take your quadped and ride over the battle field and count the slained and the wounded of the enemy, never mind ourn. I want to make a roarin good report to the Govment. You will have to be mighty careful or you will miss some of them.”
The mahoot he said: “Yessir, my eph is mighty sharp sighted with his feets.”
Late in the evenin the mahoot came a jabbin his eph up to head quarter, and the poor thing was so tired that it wobbled, and its feet and laigs was red, like they was painted. The gen he said: “Kibosh, I fear there was a accdent to some poor feller. Didnt I tell you that menaggery of yourn would have to be careful about steppin on the wounded?”
Ki he sed: “Yessir, so he was, sir, I dont think he missed a single nigger.”
The general, which was a good man, was awful shocked, and he wrote in his report: “I am sorry for to have to add that after the battle all of the wounded natifs, bein exposed to the open air, was atacked by a disease pecular to this climate, and phisicians was in vain. This scurge of the tropics is known as elphantiasis, or flatty degeneration of the chest. Make me a duke.”
But the Bible it says we are all worms of the dust where there is any dust for to be a worm of.
A other time Mister Gipple said: “Johnny, di ever tell you about the great king of Googum? I was in Googum when he died, and I asked the Prime Minister and the High Priest might I make a few remarks at the grave. The Prime said he guessed it would be all right if I wouldnt take up a colection, and the High said he would be mighty glad if I would relieve him of a sacred duty, cause he wanted to go a fishin. So on the day of the funeral I went to the grave. Johnny, you have frequent saw in the news papers a large audience discribed as 'a sea of up turned faces.’ It was that way there. But, Johnny, the up turned faces was all detatched from their respective bodies!
“Bime by the Prime came. I swallered my feel as well as I could and said: 'I spose this is the custom of the country.’
“The Prime he said: 'Yes, when the king dies we try for to make it a occasion of public sorry.’
“Then I said: 'Where is my audience?’