The captin of the sassers said: “Why dont you move in to a other county fore we are drove by a relentless fate for to lick you like blazes?”
The captin which had come over he said: “A destiny which is deaf to our prayers compels us to remain and wollup the innerds out of you.”
And Mister Gip says that when the relentless fate stacked up aginst the destiny which was deaf to prayer the earth was piled with hetty combs of slain!
But if any body would sass Billy he would cleeve him to the chine!
My father was a readin a news paper, and all to once he give a long wissle and said he would be gum dasted! Uncle Ned he looked up and said what was it, and my father he said by cracky, that was the awfulest which he ever in his life!
My mother she jumpt up, and so did me and Billy, and Missy, and Bildad, the new dog, and Mose, which is the cat. My father he was so xcited that his spettacles fell off and he couldnt read no more till they was found, and all the wile he kept a sayin we was in for it, shure, and it was just what he had been xpectin, and he had always told us it would come. Bime bi my mother put his spettacles on his nose again, and he found the place and read, “The war broke out again. The Solid South in battle aray! The nations capitle in flames! Dredful massaker of the colored peoples in Virginy! Thousands of United States troops shot dead in their trackx!”
Then he seen it was nothing only but just a advertisement of a patent tooth brush and cloes pin combined, and he stopt and got red in the face, and wiped his spettacles with his thum, and put the paper in the fire, and said: “Edard, you better stay to home and look after the women and children, and mebby keep my memry green if I fall. Ime a goin for to march against the fo!”
Then he went out and stayed a week. And thats why I say be it ever so humble, theres no place like home.
Uncle Ned, which has been in Indy and every where, he says one time in Siam the king said to his captin of soljers: “I been supportin you and your lazy fellers for 20 years, and you havnt done nothing for your keep, only just eat and drink your heads off.”
The captin he said, the captin did: “Why, we have a inspecktion every little while, and 2 drills a month, and a dress parade evry day, with a brass band.”