A few days later, he writes to his sister-in-law:
"Sunday evening, April 4, 1819.
"Dear S.: It is proper that I should explain to you why my feelings got so much the better of my reason at the celebration of the sacrament this morning. The last time I attended that service was with my beloved S., after an absence on her part of fifteen months, during which period you well know what passed in both our minds. On this occasion our minds and feelings were elevated with devotion, and (as I trust) suitably affected with gratitude to the Father of mercies for once more permitting her to celebrate with her husband this memorial of our Saviour. Then, indeed, were our hearts gladdened by the cheering prospect of her returning health and continued life. The consideration that I had since this period been almost within the purlieu of the grave, that my beloved Sarah had fallen a sacrifice to her care and anxiety for me, and that I was for the first time at the table of the Lord without her, with a view to celebrate the most solemn service of our religion, overwhelmed me as a torrent, and my feelings were too powerful to be restrained; I was almost suffocated in the attempt.
"Comment is unnecessary. God grant us a suitable improvement of the scene!
"Your affectionate brother,
A. L."
On April 6, he writes to a friend in England:
"Since I last wrote, family misfortunes, of which you have from time to time been apprised, have pressed heavily upon me. I am now in tolerable health, and hope soon to see it entirely confirmed."
After a visit to his parents, at Groton, he says, on April 9:
"I arrived at home last Saturday night, at eleven o'clock, after rather an uncomfortable ride. However, I had the satisfaction on Monday of exercising my right of suffrage, which, had I not done, I should have felt unpleasantly. I wrote to M., on Tuesday, under a depression of spirits altogether greater than I have before felt. The effect of hope upon my feelings, before I saw the little ones, was very animating; since that time (although I found them all I could desire), the stimulus is gone, and I have been very wretched. The principles I cherish will now have their proper effect, although nature must first find its level. Do not imagine I feel severely depressed all the time; although I certainly have much less of animal spirits than I had before my return, I do not feel positively unhappy. Under all the circumstances it is thought best for me to journey. Hitherto, I have experienced the kind protection of an almighty Friend; it will not hereafter be withheld. Commending all dear friends and myself to Him, I remain your truly affectionate brother,
"A. L."
To another sister he writes five days afterwards, before commencing a second journey:
"In a few moments I am off. I gladly seize the leisure they furnish me, to tell you I feel well, and have no doubt of having such a flow of spirits as will make my journey pleasant. At any rate, I start with this determination. You know not, dear E., the delight I feel in contemplating the situation of my little ones; this (if no higher principle) should be sufficient to do away all repining and vain regrets for the loss of an object so dear as was their mother. In short, her own wishes should operate very strongly against these regrets. I hope to be forgiven the offence, if such it be; and to make such improvement of it as will subserve the purposes of my heavenly Father, who doth not willingly afflict the children of men, but for their improvement. My prayer to God is, that the affliction may not be lost upon me; but that it may have the effect of making me estimate more justly the value of all temporal objects, and, by thus softening the heart, open it to the kind influences of our holy religion, and produce that love and charity well pleasing to our Father. I have no object in view further south than Baltimore; from thence I shall go across the Alleghanies, or journey through the interior to the northern border of this country. At Baltimore I remain a few days; my business there is as delegate from Brattle-street Church, in the settlement of a minister, a young gentleman named Sparks, from Connecticut."
(TO ABBOTT LAWRENCE.)
"Philadelphia, April 26, 1819.
"Dear Brother: When I see how people in other places are doing business, I feel that we have reason to thank God that we are not obliged to do as they do, but are following that regular and profitably safe business that allows us to sleep well o' nights, and eat the bread of industry and quietness. The more I see of the changes produced by violent speculation, the more satisfied I am that our maxims are the only true ones for a life together. Different maxims may prove successful for a part of life, but will frequently produce disastrous results just at the time we stand most in need; that is, when life is on the wane, and a family is growing around us.
"Two young brokers in —— have played a dashing game. They have taken nearly one hundred thousand dollars from the bank, without the consent of the directors. A clerk discounted for them. They have lost it by United States Bank speculations.
"Look after clerks well, if you wish to keep them honest. Too good a reputation sometimes tempts men to sin, upon the strength of their reputation.
"As to business, it must be bad enough; that is nothing new; but patience and perseverance will overcome all obstacles, and, notwithstanding all things look so dark, I look for a good year's work.
"You must remember that I have done nothing yet, and I have never failed of accomplishing more than my expectations; so I say again, we will make a good year's work of it yet, by the blessing of Heaven."