Cruelty. Adler has pointed out the cruel character of jealousy and the constant attempts made by jealous neurotics to disparage and belittle their love object.
"The neurotic suffering from jealousy is insatiable in his search for ways to test his mate. This indicates his lack of self confidence, his lack of self esteem and his uncertainty. His jealous efforts are calculated to bring him more into notice, to attract more attention to himself and thus to increase his self-esteem. He revives upon every possible occasion the old feeling of being neglected and disregarded, and assumes anew the childish attitude of wishing to have everything, to obtain a proof of superiority upon his mate.
"A glance, a word spoken in company, an acknowledgment of a favor, a show of interest for a painting, for an author, for a relative, even a protective attitude toward servants, may be taken as the cause of the operation. In certain cases the impression is distinctly given that the jealous individual cannot rest because he has no confidence in peaceful happiness or account of his misfortune. Then a neurosis develops in which an effort is made to subdue the life mate by a system of attacks, to arouse his or her sympathy; or perhaps the attack is intended as a punishment. Headaches, weeping fits, weakness, paralysis, [1] attacks of anxiety and depression, silence, etc., have the same value as alcoholism, perversion or lewdness. The line of distrust and doubt, often about the legitimacy of the children, becomes more pronounced, outbreaks of wrath and scolding, mistrust of the entire opposite sex, are regular phenomena and reveal the other side of jealousy as a preparation for the disparagement of the life mate.
"Often pride prevents consciousness of jealousy but the behavior is the same. This situation is at times made worse by the fact that the suspected mate beholds the helplessness of the jealous one with unconscious satisfaction and fails to find the words or the tone that would hold jealousy within bounds."
Making People Jealous. This is why the efforts made by certain men and women to arouse their sexual partner's jealousy are productive of rather baneful results. They do not bring out the love or affection of the person who is made jealous but his worst egotistical and sadistic traits.
One of the strongest factors in love being the egotistical satisfaction we derive from the possession of the love object and the realisation of our influence over it, our love wanes rapidly when we see another person wielding much power over it.
The stratagem has temporary effects which may deceive the person using them. The jealous lover, at first makes decided efforts to regain his position, but he soon feels swayed by egotistical considerations which lead him toward the line of least effort. Slighted by one woman, he turns to another for consolation, and usually finds it.
The man or woman who considers it shrewd to let his mate suspect that "there are others," for one thing encourages faithlessness by creating a precedent. It is especially when the other (or others) are distinctly inferior in appearance or position that this sort of game ends disastrously. The woman who likes to mention the attentions bestowed upon her by some inferior man and seems to enjoy them accomplishes two things. She makes herself appear inferior and "easy" and makes her lover feel that any inferior man could compete with him for her love and that, hence, he himself must be inferior.
He may run away from her to escape that feeling of inferiority.