'O all powerful good God, look down from Heaven upon the most distressed wretch upon earth. See me with my soul divided, my glory and my guide taken from me, and in him all my comfort in this life; see me staggering in my path, which made me expect a temporal blessing for a reward of the great integrity, innocence, and uprightness of his whole life, and his patience in suffering the insolency of wicked men, whom he had to converse with upon the public employment, which thou thoughtest fit, in thy wisdom, to exercise him in. Have pity on me, O Lord, and speak peace to my disquieted soul, now sinking under this great weight, which, without thy support, cannot sustain itself. See me, O Lord, with five children, a distressed family, the temptation of the change of my religion, the want of all my friends, without counsel, out of my country, without any means to return with my sad family to our own country, now in war with most part of Christendom. But, above all, my sins, O Lord, I do lament with shame and confusion, believing it is for them that I receive this great punishment. Thou hast showed me many judgments and mercies which did not reclaim me, nor turn me to thy holy conversation, which the example of our blessed Saviour taught. Lord, pardon me; O God, forgive whatsoever is amiss in me; break not a bruised reed. I humbly submit to thy justice; I confess my wretchedness, and know I have deserved not only this but everlasting punishment; but, O my God, look upon me through the merits of my Saviour, and for his sake save me: do with me and for me what thou pleasest, for I do wholly rely on thy mercy, beseeching thee to remember thy promises to the fatherless and widow, and enable me to fulfil thy will cheerfully in this world; humbly beseeching thee that, when this mortal life is ended, I may be joined with the soul of my dear husband, and all thy servants departed this life in thy faith and fear, in everlasting praises of thy Holy Name. Amen.'
The next day my husband was embalmed. The following day I began to receive messages from the Queen and the Court of Spain.
July the 4th, stilo novo, 1666, my husband was buried by his own Chaplain, with the ceremony of the Church of England, and a sermon preached by him. In the evening I sent the body of my dear husband to Bilbao, intending suddenly to follow him: he went out of town privately, being accompanied only by a part of his own retinue. His body arrived safe at Bilbao on the 14th of July 1666, and was laid in the King's house. Mr. Cooper, Gentleman of his Horse; Mr. Jemett, who waited on him in his bed-chamber; Mr. Rookes, Mr. Weeden, Mr. Carew, Richard Batha, and Francis.
The 5th of July 1666, stilo novo, the Queen-Mother sent the Master of the Ceremonies of Spain to invite me to stay with all my children in her Court, promising me a pension of thirty thousand ducats a year, and to provide for my children, if I and they would turn our religion and become Roman Catholics. I answered, I humbly thanked her Majesty for her great grace and favour, which I would ever esteem and pay with my services, as far as I was able, all the days of my life; for the latter I desired her Majesty to believe that I could not quit the faith in which I had been born and bred, and in which God had pleased to try me for many years in the greatest troubles our nation hath ever seen; and that I do believe and hope that in the profession of my own religion God would hear my prayers, and reward her Majesty, and all the princes of that royal family, for this so great favour which her Majesty was pleased to offer me in my greatest affliction.
The 6th and 7th days of this month I was visited by the German
Ambassador's lady, and several other ladies; also by the Ambassador
and the Duke de Medina de las Torres, de Aveiro, Marquis de Trucifal,
Conde de Monterey, with several others of that Court.
The Queen sent me, for a present, two thousand pistoles which her Majesty sent me word was to buy my husband a jewel if he had lived. The week following I gave the Secretary of State a gold watch and chain, worth thirty pounds. I gave the Master of the Ceremonies, at my coming away, a clock, which cost me forty pounds. I sold all my coaches and horses, and lumber of the house, to the Earl of Sandwich, for one thousand three hundred and eighty pistoles. I likewise sold there one thousand pounds' worth of plate to several persons, all the money I could make being little enough for my most sad journey to England.
The 8th of July 1666, at night, I took my leave of Madrid, and of the Siete Chimineas, the house so beloved of my husband and me formerly. I carried with me all my jewels, and the best of my plate, and other precious rarities, all the rest being gone before to Bilbao, with part of my family. All the women went in litters, and the men on horseback. Myself, my son, and four daughters, one gentlewoman, one chambermaid, Mr. Fanshawe, my husband's Secretary; Mr. Price, the Chaplain; Mr. Bagshawe, Mr. Creyton, Mr. White, Mr. Hellowe, John Burton, William, the Cook; besides other Spanish attendants.
My Lord Sandwich came in the afternoon to accompany me out of town, which offer, though earnestly pressed by my Lord, as well as by other persons of quality, I refused, desiring to go out of that place as privately as I could possibly; and I may truly say, never any Ambassador's family came into Spain more gloriously, or went out so sad.
July the 21st, after a tedious journey, we arrived at Bilbao, to which place my dear husband's body came the 14th of this month, and was lodged in the King's house, with some of his servants to attend him; but I hired a house in the town during my stay there, in which I received several letters from Madrid, from England, and from Paris. The Queen-Mother was graciously pleased to procure me passes from the King of France, which I received the 21st of September, stilo novo, accompanied by a letter from my Lady Guilford, and several others of her Majesty's Court; likewise I did receive a pass from the Duke of Beaufort, then at Lixa.
October the 1st, I sent answers of letters to England, to my Lord Arlington, my brother Warwick, my father, and to several other persons. Here heard the sad news of the burning of London.