“Why do you talk in that way? You do not know all the foolish things I think of and wish to do; but remember, Matilda, the lesson I have had, and the great blessing God has given me. Before I had made up my mind to be always dumb, I used often to pray to Him, and promise that if He would open my lips, I would try to be more and more His child, and praise Him with my life as well as with my heart; and when I read of Jesus Christ opening the eyes of the blind, and making the dumb to speak, I used to have such deep sorrow, that sometimes I could scarcely bear it; I used to shut myself up alone and say to myself, Why did I not live then? Surely if I had asked Him myself, and He had seen my sorrow, He would have listened. Oh, it was a sinful thought.”
“But why was it sinful?” Matilda asked.
“It was sinful, because it was doubting His wisdom, for He knew what was best for me; it was also doubting his power, for in heaven He equally hears our prayers and sees our sorrows; and the miracles He worked on earth are not greater than those which are every where around us. The spring and summer coming again, and bringing up the flowers, and making the dead earth so green and beautiful, are miracles of His power; and the very miracle I asked for was granted—granted in a moment—my lips were opened; from that time I made my resolution——” She stopped and coloured.
“What resolution?” Matilda eagerly asked.
“The resolution that I would try to think of Him more than I had ever done before; that I would be part of every day alone, not to ask for more worldly blessings, but to thank Him for giving me more than I ever can deserve.”
“And so this is the reason,” Matilda said, “why you go away in the forenoon and lock your door. I never could find out what you were doing; once I thought I would look through the keyhole, and I went on tip-toe, but then I remembered mamma saying that was a mean, low habit, and I did not. But you do another thing, Selina, which you never used to do before; in the morning, after you have read the Bible, you turn over and over the pages, as if you were looking for something. What are you doing then, for you cannot be reading?”
“I am finding out texts. Every day I search for a text, and an answer to it, and I get them by heart; it helps to keep good thoughts in my mind during the day.”
“And you never told me a word of all this,” Matilda said, reproachfully; “and if you had, it might have made me better, and I could have learned texts also. Why did you not tell me?”
Selina looked distressed, and coloured. “I believe I was wrong, but I always feel ashamed to talk on those subjects before any one; I fear it is a false shame.”
“No, Selina, no,” Leila said quickly: “my papa explained to me about that; to be sure, to Matilda or to me you might have said it, for he told me that with a very dear friend it was a delightful subject, but that in the world I must not talk about God as I used to do in the island; I must try to think of Him constantly just the same, and always ask myself how He would wish me to act, but I must not say so before indifferent people (that means worldly people). He says before worldly people it may do harm, for their minds may not be in a good frame at the moment, and it might make them worse, and might make them turn away; and even before good people I should not talk in this way, for good people may be shocked, and think it too sacred a subject to be talked of before many; but, Selina, I would like to do all that you have been telling me you do; I would like to find out texts also, and try to keep them in my mind, for it is not so easy to be good here as in the island, so many new things come into my mind here. What was the text you found out for to-day?”