"What did—" remarked Mrs. Lathrop, rubbing her eyes.
"What did Henry Ward Beecher do? Well, he jus' up 'n' did the same 's the night afore. Ate the Sons o' Veterans' pudding 's Mrs. Brown had all ready for the Lodge meetin', 'n' all the baked beans 's was for to-day's luncheon too. She says she never dreamed as no human bein' could hold what that boy can. She says young Dr. Brown says 't he wants to come 'n' observe him to-night 'f he don't have to go over to Meadville to get two of his saws sharpened. Mrs. Brown says he says he's goin' to write a paper for the Investigatin' Society, but I don't see how that's goin' to help the Sons o' Veterans none. Doctors' observations 'n' investigations 's all right 's far 's they go, but I don' fancy as they can be made to take the place o' no eat up puddin' inside o' no son of a veteran. 'N' anyhow, Henry Ward Beecher or no Henry Ward Beecher, Mrs. Craig 's jus' about frantic over her cat. She says there's cat's hair everywhere 'n' the cat ain't nowhere. She was doin' out her churnin' 'n' she found some hairs in the butter. I asked her 'f maybe Augustus hadn't fed the cat to the cow, 'n' she says they thought o' that, but her husband says 't ain't possible, for there ain't room for a cat to turn over in the place where a cow turns everything over afore she swallows it. Mrs. Craig says, besides, 't she asked Augustus, but he jus' said, 'Wash zhat?—Zhat a cow?—Zhi a cow?—Zhu a cow?' 'n' she see plain 'n' forever where he got the name o' bein' so bad, for she was dyin' to switch him 'n' couldn't in honor say as she had any real reason to. But all the same she says she's as sure as Fate 't him 'n' no one else 's at the bottom o' her cat—only how in all creation are you to get it out o' him? She says there was hairs in the washtub 'n' hairs in the bluein', 'n' when she gathered the sweet peas afore supper she see a hair on a sweet-pea pod. While we was talkin' suthin' tickled her 'n' she found a hair in her collar.
"Gran'ma Mullins came along up from the crick while we was talkin', 'n' she had her tale o' woe same 's the rest. Seems little Jane 's quit her thumb, owin' to the quinine, 'n' took to bitin' holes 'n' chewin' 'n' suckin' everythin' that she can lay hands on. She's chewed her pillow-slip 'n' bit her sheet 'n' sucked right down to the brass on a number o' Gran'ma Mullins' solid silver things. They've tried scoldin' 'n' slappin', but she jus' keeps her mouth on the rampage, 'n' they can't get her to go back to her thumb f'r love nor money. Mrs. Brown said she'd be glad to trade Henry Ward Beecher for little Jane, 'n' I strongly advised her to do it, f'r to my mind a chewin' child 's more to be counted on than a eatin' sleep-walker, but we was evidently all o' the same way o' thinkin, f'r Gran'ma Mullins shook her head 'n' wouldn't change.
"I see Felicia Hemans down buyin' suthin' with Sam along with a basket to carry it home in. I asked 'f Mrs. Duruy was gone, 'n' they said yes, 'n' Sam grinned 'n' Felicia giggled, same 's usual. I c'n see 't the Allens is all put out 't Sam's bein' around with any one but Polly, 'n' Mrs. Allen asked me 'f I really thought Mrs. Duruy 'd ought to 'a' gone off like that. I said I thought it was a awful risk for Felicia Hemans 'cause o' course she might marry Sam in consequence. Mrs. Allen didn't like it, 'n' she bounced Brunhilde Susan's carriage-springs so hard 't she made Brunhilde Susan wake up. Mr. Kimball was out in front o' his store, 'n' he hollered across to me 't he was giv' to understand as Brunhilde Susan was learnin' to hang onto money already. Every one laughed, 'n' I declare 't for the life o' me I don't see how no one c'n make a joke over a baby's swallowin' a lent nickel."
"Who—" queried Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, Mrs. Fisher was one of 'em. She did sort of explain it away afterwards, though. She said she was so happy she laughed at any nothin' at all. Seems Mr. Fisher set John Bunyan to cuttin' the grass, 'n' the boy went 'n' sheared right over the bed o' petunias. Seems them petunias was the apple o' Mr. Fisher's eye 'n' he wanted a dish of 'em with every meal. Mrs. Fisher says 't to her mind a woman has work enough gettin' the meals without havin' to get petunias too, 'n' she was nothin' but glad to see what a clean shave John Bunyan made o' the whole thing. She was down town buyin' him some marbles. She went into Shores after 'em, an' she 'n' Miss White come out together. I know suthin' had happened the minute I see Miss White's face, f'r angels chantin' glory was nothin' to it. Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, that Fox never lived up to the trumpet bargain one hour, but jus' yelled 'n' blew alternate, till the Deacon was nigh to deaf 'n' old Mrs. White begun to hear, 'n' they was all 'most fit for the Insane Asylum when Mrs. Sperrit come in to leave a skirt for new braid, 'n' she jus' up 'n' took Fox home with her. She says 't he can make all the noise he wants to out on the farm, 'n' the Whites is all but in Paradise as a result."
"I sh'd think—" suggested Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, I d'n' know," said Susan; "you may think so, but you didn't look like it when I come. You looked to be asleep, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' bein' 's to-day's been a hot Monday 'n' to-morrow 'll likely be a hot Tuesday, I feel some inclined that way myself. So good-night."
Susan's prophecy as to what the next day would be came true. It was a scorching Tuesday, and nothing but the feast of gossip which "the square" held upon this particular week could ever have drawn a crowd there on so sultry a night.